satire Archives - Page 65 of 209 - Uncle Walt's Insider
Not suitable to be worn at Walt Disney World. At least not as a mask. Photo [CC0] via Pixabay.

Disney: Gators are not acceptable face masks

We tried wearing a gator as a face mask. It wasn't comfortable. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Disney officials are hard at work learning about potential guest behavior during their phased re-opening of the parks. Based on their observations, Disney has modified their face mask policy, banning the wearing of gators as face masks. This is news you will only read at Uncle Walt's Insider. Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) shared the following: Follow the bouncing virus "During this phased re-opening, we ...
July 15, 2020 by Walt in Florida
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Colin Kaepernick, looking quite at home at Disneyland. Photo by Melissa Hillier [CC BY-2.0] via Wikimedia.

Kaepernick’s Disney deal: millions per year to sit on benches

The former NFL player will rotate between Disney's U.S. theme parks and spend time on several benches in each one. BURBANK, CA -- Details have emerged about Colin Kaepernick's new contract with The Disney Company. Apparently the activist and shoe salesman is being paid millions of dollars to sit on benches at various Disney theme parks. Uncle Walt's Insider spoke to Kaepernick's agent, who told us, "It's not big thing for him. He's used to getting paid to sit. This job is definitely ...
July 14, 2020 by Marty in California, Florida
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UWI (Step)Moms Panel

(Step)Moms Panel: Do you steal your questions from other places?

The Uncle Walt's Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] "Dear (Step)Moms: Are these really real questions sent in by your readers? Do you steal them from other places, like private groups on Facebook? Or make them up completely?" - Amy A. Marty: First, let me say that I loved you in that ...
July 13, 2020 by Marty in step-planDisney
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Uncle Walt’s Insider Week in Review for July 12

Here's what you missed while doing something much less important!  Appearing this past week on Uncle Walt's Insider: Monday (STEP) MOMS PANEL: WALT DISNEY WORLD IS CLOSED? WHY? - The (Step)Moms did some exhaustive research (for once). Apparently it's true. Huh. Who knew? Tuesday CINDERELLA CASTLE VANDALIZED, PAINTED PINK - We're okay with gang tagging. But painting the whole thing pink? Really, vandals? Wednesday HALL OF PRESIDENTS TO BE REPLACED WITH "HAMILTON LIVE! FEATURING THE MUPPETS" - America's favorite Treasury Secretary played by everyone's favorite frog! Thursday (STEP) MOMS PANEL: ...
July 12, 2020 by Marty in Spotlight
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We're disappointed. We thought we'd be able to see the potato. Photo [CC0] via Pikist.

Potato cam, more coming soon to Disney+

The scratchy VHS transfer of Phantom should bring in a lot of new subscribers! BURBANK, CA -- Following an increase in subscriptions, likely due to the release of Hamilton, Disney+ has announced several new titles which will be added in the coming months. (For those of you who have been hiding under a rock, Disney+ is Disney's streaming service where you can stream movies, TV movies, and ... yeah, that's about it.) A bulleted list! Here are some of the highlights that have been ...
July 11, 2020 by X in Other
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