satire Archives - Page 190 of 209 - Uncle Walt's Insider
New All-Blackout Annual Pass. Photo © 2018 Disney.

Disney introduces value-priced “All-Blackout” annual pass

It's a great deal, as long as you never use it. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- An announcement Thursday may quiet critics who complain about ever-rising theme park admission prices, as Disney introduced its lowest-price annual pass option in years. "Our guests have been telling us that park admission, and particularly the cost of annual passes, has been too high," said Bob Chapek, head of Disney Parks and Resorts. "And we listen to our guests. That's why we are proud to offer the ...
August 10, 2018 by Marty in California, Florida
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The only thing at Universal Orlando. Photo by Rstoplabe14 [CC BY-SA 3.0] via Wikimedia Commons.

Escaped Demiguise reported at Universal Orlando

A spilled butterbeer is only the beginning. ORLANDO, FL -- Reports out of the Universal Orlando Resort & Spa state that a Demiguise, a "peaceful, ape-like herbivore with the ability to turn invisible when threatened," has escaped from its handlers at The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. While these creatures are not a danger to the public, they still can cause havoc. Officials at the resort have not confirmed the missing Demiguise. When we made a call to the resort, "Lori" [Ed.: ...
August 9, 2018 by Walt in Florida
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Space-going Tesla Roadster with Starman. Public Domain.

Starman disappointed: “I was promised a trip to Disney World”

"There are no churros in space." OUTSIDE MARS ORBIT -- In a remote (duh) interview with Uncle Walt's Insider, Tesla Roadster pilot "Starman" claims that he was promised a trip to the Walt Disney World Resort for taking part in the SpaceX launch. In the more than six months since the Falcon Heavy rocket launched the red Tesla Roadster into space, Starman has traveled over 143 million miles (and exceeded the Roadster's warranty 7,500 times over). He's gone farther from Earth than any ...
August 8, 2018 by Marty in Other
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Monsters Inc. Laugh Floor at the Magic Kingdom Park. Photo by Michael Gray [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr.

Monsters Inc. Laugh Floor to offer late-night adults-only shows

"Now it won't just be the monsters that are blue." WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- It's an attraction that even the most generous Disney fans say has grown stale. But now Monsters Inc. Laugh Floor is getting "refreshed" with the addition of late-night shows filled with adult-oriented humor. "There's only so many times the average guest can tolerate Buddy Boil and his awful puns," Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) tells Uncle Walt's Insider. "So we're changing things up. Now Monsters ...
August 7, 2018 by Marty in Florida
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Gift shop in Splash Mountain standby queue. Photo by rickpilot_2000 [CC BY 2.0] via Flickr.

Shopping experience coming to Disney park queues

Lines for Disney attractions used to just immerse you in the story. Now they'll immerse you in commerce, too! WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL & ANAHEIM, CA -- Right on the heels of Disney announcing in-flight shopping on the Skyliner gondola system, Uncle Walt's Insider has received news about an all-new shopping experience being added to attraction queues. That's right, soon guests will be able to continue shopping even as they wait in line! Loyal readers of Uncle Walt's Insider [Ed.: How many are ...
August 6, 2018 by Walt in California, Florida
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