A spilled butterbeer is only the beginning.
ORLANDO, FL — Reports out of the Universal Orlando Resort & Spa state that a Demiguise, a “peaceful, ape-like herbivore with the ability to turn invisible when threatened,” has escaped from its handlers at The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. While these creatures are not a danger to the public, they still can cause havoc.
Officials at the resort have not confirmed the missing Demiguise. When we made a call to the resort, “Lori” [Ed.: If that is even her real name!] stated that they were not missing any animals, and asked if we were aware that a Demiguise is not even real.
Reliable sources. Er, reliable source. Okay, just source.
Uncle Walt’s Insider then contacted Charles “Chuck” Walters, of Milton, FL, who was the sole source of the report, about what he found. Chuck shared with us, “My wife, Lorleen, had just gotten us some of them there butter beers. She was complaining that they were $12 each, and that I better not drink both of them or let them fall off the ledge where she had set them. She had to run to the ladies room, on account that she has an aunt visiting this month. I don’t know why her aunt visiting means frequent trips to the bathroom.” [Ed.: Are we supposed to edit this part out of the quote?]
“Anyway, I was really getting into the music playing, like I do at Walmart when I’m supposed to be stocking the pickles. And right when I do my signature 360-degree spin, the drinks get knocked to the ground!”
Is this evidence that proves the existence of the Demiguise at Universal? We think so!
Chuck continues, “So Lorleen comes back, and she was already in one of her moods, and just explodes on me! Like I done knocked those expensive beers over! Just then, these two girls (who, by the way, were wearing some weird round John Lennon glasses and their bathrobes) had been taking pictures and video of my moves (I think they are into me, don’t publish this or tell Lorleen!) said, maybe it was a demiglaze?” [Ed.: Clearly, they meant Demiguise]
We at Uncle Walt’s Insider are unable to confirm or deny the existence of the Demiguise, which of course has never held us back from publishing a good story. We do feel that there is enough evidence to warrant further investigation, so stay tuned. We’ll bring you more information as soon as we
write get it!
Do you believe in the Demiguise? Or is it just a mythological creature like the Puma? Let us know in the comments below!
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Cover photo, of a threatened Demiguise posing in front of Hogwarts Castle, by Rstoplabe14 [CC BY-SA 3.0] via Wikimedia Commons.