Disneyland Texas Archives - Page 2 of 6 - Uncle Walt's Insider
Artist's conception of what Disneyland would look like in the future if it hadn't already moved to Texas! Photo © 2021 Disney.

Disneyland expansion: what you need to know

We guarantee: there will be more or different stuff! (Fact check: true.) ANAHEIM, CA -- Disney announced expansion plans for its California parks this week, and fans around the world are waiting for more details to surface. We at Uncle Walt's Insider, however, have never liked waiting around for official (read: "correct") announcements. So, based on our access to inside information coupled with our imagination, and with our usual level of accuracy (17%), here's what you can expect from the new development ...
March 27, 2021 by Marty in California, World
Read more
You can save lots of $$ if you don't go here! Photo [CC0] via Wikimedia.

What to expect when Disneyland reopens

Here's all you need to know about the return to Walt's original park! ANAHEIM, CA -- Thanks to fake Biden's executive order and impenetrable mask breakthroughs, Disneyland may actually reopen soon! So we thought we'd share with you what to expect when you return to Disneyland. Buckle in, and away we go! Stale churros We hate to show any disrespect to Nature's Most Perfect Snack®, but that last batch of churros was made over a year ago. Expect them to be... well, let's just ...
March 15, 2021 by Marty in California
Read more
Pretty much the same park, except for the added firepower. Photo lifted from Twitter: @fakethemepark.

Fake Theme Park possibly moving to Texas

Sure, the picture looks the same, but you can tell it's in Texas from all the concealed-carry bulges. TWITTER -- As predicted by absolutely nobody, Fake Theme Park has joined the growing list of entities that have announced they are moving to Texas. In a now-deleted tweet, the popular theme park announced that they would be relocating from their current home in **FILLER TEXT** [Ed.: Be sure to find out where they're located before we publish this!] to a swampy inlet not far from ...
January 26, 2021 by X in World
Read more
UWI (Step)Moms Panel

(Step)Moms Panel: How ofte… // If Texas secedes, will Six Flags become Seven Flags?

The Uncle Walt's Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] "Dear (Step)Moms: how often do u pee?" - joe, "here" Grogu: Marty: I'm with you, B.Y. Absolutely not. Next question? "Dear (Step)Moms: With everything going on about the Texas lawsuit and the possibility of secession between U.S.A Republican and Democrat states. Would Six Flags be ...
December 29, 2020 by Marty in step-planDisney
Read more

The final straw? CA governor facing recall after banning Churros

Nothing says "overbearing dictator" like denying citizens their Churros. ANAHEIM, CA -- While Disney continues to box up Disneyland for the move to Texas, even bigger news has dominated the headlines. California Governor Gavin Newsom (D) is facing a recall from angry voters.  Newsom's previous orders, while strict, were at least limited in scope, with only trying to run a small business, restaurant, or theme park banned. The new order is far more comprehensive -- and one detail in particular has the remaining ...
December 23, 2020 by Walt in California
Read more