(Step)Moms Panel: "How should I vote?" |

(Step)Moms Panel: “How should I vote?”

UWI Step Moms Panel

The Uncle Walt’s Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]

“Dear (Step) Moms: How should I vote?” – Kent D., Faber OR

Harriet:

Just go to Walt Disney World. There aren’t many people there without you.

X:

Dear Kent,

It appears that elections in Oregon are handled through a vote-by-mail system. If you are properly registered, a ballot should arrive by mail, prior to the election. That mailing will also include instructions on how to mark your ballot. Follow these instructions, and then return the ballot as directed.

Thank you for doing your civic duty.

Marty:

Dear Clark,

I used to recommend going into the voting booth, closing your eyes and randomly jabbing at the ballot to see where it lands. But after getting a nasty paper cut on a hanging chad in November 2000, I stopped doing that.

So just bring a set of darts with you when you go vote. The further back you can stand from the booth as you throw the darts, the better.

Walt:

Hi Karl, thanks for asking.

I’m at Walt Disney World. Vote based on facts. Also, I’m at Walt Disney World. 

Baby Yoda:

Marty:

Right you are, B.Y. He can’t still be there, right?

Ub:

Hello Kyle. X is correct, that Oregon’s and Washington’s elections are vote-by-mail. Last night was the primary in Washington, and let me tell you, it was a madhouse.

Now, the Oregon primary is in May, and what day you vote depends on whether you agree with me or not.

If you agree with me, your deadline is May 19, 2020. If you can’t mail your ballot before about May 10, you’ll need to take your ballot to one of your local drop boxes, which are found near government buildings or many schools.

If you’re NOT voting the same way I am, your deadline is May 22, and you’ll not want to send your ballot before May 19, as it will get in the way of the ballots of people who agree with me.

Finally, with the Oregon primaries so late, your vote isn’t going to count anyway, because by then the presidential contenders will be decided. Besides, with the Coronavirus scare, we all might be under quarantine by then, and you won’t be able to vote anyway, or if you do, the mailperson who is also under quarantine won’t be coming around to pick it up anyway.

I hope that helps!

Walt:

Also, I’m at Walt Disney World.

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