“True Tales: from the files of Stupid Guest Tricks” is an ongoing series, where we share believable stories of park guests’ unbelievable stupidity.
FROM STUPID GUEST TRICKS —
StupidGuestTricks.com is a website founded to provide Disney Cast Members and other theme park employees a place to vent about some of the idiots they’ve dealt with. Most Cast Members will tell you that 99% of the guests they deal with are wonderful, but there’s always that 1% that lead to aggravation — and some pretty funny stories.
Now that Uncle Walt’s Insider has completed its hostile takeover of Stupid Guest Tricks, we can bring you some of our favorite stories that have been collected there over the years. Previous installments: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5 & Part 6.
In Part 7: unlikely Presidential recordings, snappy comebacks to stupid questions, and nudity at the Toontown Depot:
They didn’t get actual recordings until John Quincy Adams
My wife and I had just returned from a trip to Walt Disney World in late 2016. One of our goals was to see the Hall of Presidents before the new president is installed. The following conversation was overheard as we exited:
Woman: “Was that George Washington’s actual voice?
Man: “Um, no. That would be impossible.”
Woman: “Are you sure?”
If Bill Engvall were a Cast Member
First SG: (While standing inside the shop) “Where’s the gift shop for Star Tours?”
CM: (Looking around the shop) “Sorry, ma’am, we don’t have one.”
Second SG: “Where is the boat from MAGIC KINGDOM to UNIVERSAL STUDIOS?”
CM: “At Animal Kingdom.”
Third SG: “I have a question. What time do they roll the EPCOT ball out?”
CM: “Sir, Spaceship Earth is stationary.”
Third SG: “Yeah, but what time do they bring it out?”
CM: <sigh> “6:30.”
Don’t worry, this was a while ago. We bet the kid’s gotten therapy by now.
It was a quiet day at the railroad station in Mickey’s Toontown Fair when a family arrived and proceeded to readjust my understanding of the limits of what guests might do.
First, Mom parked her double stroller in front of the left turnstile. Second, she backed up to the right turnstile until her butt was against the bars. Third, she beckoned her damp 12-year-old daughter to stand in front of her while she stripped her naked.
Yeah, that was sort of my reaction, too. A 2-year-old, maybe, but 12?!?
The kid was soaking wet from playing at Donald’s Boat, but somehow the railroad station wouldn’t have been my first choice for a changing room.
I tried to suggest this to Mom, but she declined to so much as acknowledge my existence. I then fired a Look at Dad, and suggested he move the stroller out from in front of the turnstile so the other guests — now gathering — could get through. To my surprise, he did.
I announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, the Walt Disney World Railroad is now open for business. Those of you who are not buck nekkid may now enter. Your train will arrive in approximately two minutes.”
Giggling nervously, the other guests did so, several of them tossing comments to Mom that I might have liked to make.
After re-dressing her daughter. Mom directed Dad to push the stroller through the turnstile. When I pointed out that strollers had to be folded to board the train, Mom granted me just one quick glare, told her husband, “This man is RUDE!” and promptly left the station, kids and Dad trailing behind.
A pity that. I was so looking forward to telling her that rail service wasn’t available to nekkid passengers.
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