satire Archives - Page 73 of 209 - Uncle Walt's Insider
Mickey Mouse. Not Marty. Image by Loren Javier [CC BY-ND 2.0] via Flickr.

BREAKING: MICKEY MOUSE ANNOUNCES RETIREMENT

He'll still make appearances, but he's turning over the running of the company to Goofy. BURBANK, CA -- In a stunning move, Disney icon Mickey Mouse is retiring as the "big boss" of the Disney empire. The company announced today that Mickey, who is well into his 90's, is "stepping away" to spend more time with Minnie and enjoy his "twilight years." The announcement says Mickey will still appear in the parks on a limited basis, but will leave the daily operations ...
June 5, 2020 by Marty in Other, World
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UWI (Step)Moms Panel

(Step)Moms Panel: Did we skip the murder hornets?

The Uncle Walt's Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] "Dear (Step)Moms: With all the current crises in the news, I feel like we've just skipped past the murder hornets. Are murder hornets still a thing? Are there any at Walt Disney World?" - Miles B., Greeley CO Walt: Hi Billy, thanks for ...
June 4, 2020 by Marty in step-planDisney
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Former official campaign photo of Joe Rohde’s Earring, courtesy Joe Rohde’s Earring for President 2020. Photo by alchetron.com [CC BY-SA 3.0].

Joe Rohde’s Earring suspends campaign, does not endorse anyone

It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for them. BURBANK, CA -- Joe Rohde's Earring yesterday is suspending its campaign for the presidency. The brief press release issued yesterday gave three reasons for the decision. The campaign just never gained traction, due to "the quarantine preventing campaign events," "difficulty in fundraising," and the fact that "as an earring [it] is not Constitutionally eligible for the office." Because the campaign is only suspended, Joe Rohde's Earring could re-enter the race ...
June 3, 2020 by Marty in Other
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I'll never let go, Jack. Er, I mean Mickey. Photo [CC0] via Pxfuel & clipart-library.

Disney Magic to be sunk, turned into artificial reef

Why don't they ever sink ships to create natural reefs? PORT CANAVERAL, FL -- The Disney Magic is the latest victim of the Covid-19 shutdown. Disney Cruise Line announced today that the Magic, the first cruise ship in the Disney fleet, will be sunk and turned into an artificial reef. With the high cost of maintaining the ship during the cruise industry shutdown, the write-off will help boost Disney's bottom line. I own a share of Disney. Why don't I get these calls? Robert "Bob" Chapek, CEO, and ...
June 2, 2020 by Walt in Florida, Other
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UWI (Step)Moms Panel

(Step)Moms Panel: WDW without Fastpasses or dining reservations?

The Uncle Walt's Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] "Dear (Step)Moms: So now we know when Walt Disney World is reopening. But I also understand that all Fastpasses and dining reservations have been cancelled. How's it all going to work now?" - Sandra P., Bangalore, India Harriet: Just don't go to Walt ...
June 1, 2020 by Marty in Florida, step-planDisney
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