satire Archives - Page 59 of 209 - Uncle Walt's Insider
One of the many barricades in the Reedy Creek Autonomous Zone. Photo by Michael Rivera [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikimedia.

Florida moves to shut down Disney’s ‘Reedy Creek Autonomous Zone’

Lately its enforcers have even taken to wearing masks, so you know they're up to no good. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Local officials today hinted that the days are numbered for Disney's Reedy Creek Autonomous Zone. The lawless area has been in place since the 1960's, with its occupiers creating their own structures and "parks" within the Zone. They have actually built a fairly impressive infrastructure, but do not consider themselves subject to most state regulations. Furthermore, several of the areas within the ...
August 14, 2020 by Marty in Florida
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UWI (Step)Moms Panel

(Step)Moms Panel: What do I get if I saw Uncle Walt in person?

The Uncle Walt's Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] "Dear (Step)Moms: I think I saw Uncle Walt at Walt Disney World. Do I win a prize?" - Frona D., Greenvile NC X: Only if you bought him a churro.  Harriet: Just don't go to Walt Disney World. Uncle Walt is already there without you. Baby ...
August 13, 2020 by Marty in step-planDisney
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Former Disney characters, now kindling. Photo by Loren Javier [CC BY-ND 2.0] via Flickr.

Disney sells unpopular characters to raise funds

We're really going to miss B.O.B. BURBANK, CA -- A short paragraph hidden away in the Walt Disney Company Q3 2020 Earnings Report reveals that the company sold off the rights to unpopular characters to raise money to keep the company from folding. The list of characters is quite large, but notable characters are the 6th and 8th mop from Fantasia's The Sorcerer's Apprentice segment [Ed.: The performance by mop number 8 was abysmal], B.O.B. from The Black Hole, Condorman, Osh Popham from ...
August 12, 2020 by Walt in Other
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Canada, "America's Hat," according to the Epcot Map. Image © Disney, perhaps modified a tad.

Epcot’s Canada Pavilion’s borders remain closed

It's like an embassy, right? So the border rules apply. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- In a press release filled with apologies, the Canadian government announced today that Epcot's Canada Pavilion's borders will remain closed for the foreseeable future. Park guests who hold Canadian citizenship or who are permanent residents will be allowed entry into the pavilion, along with essential workers. (The latter may include non-Canadian Cast Members who are assigned to work there, assuming they self-quarantine for 14 days.) Non-Canadians who wish ...
August 11, 2020 by Marty in Florida
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UWI (Step)Moms Panel

(Step)Moms Panel: How do I join the (Step)Moms panel?

The Uncle Walt's Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] "Dear (Step)Moms: What are the qualifications for joining the (Step)Moms Panel? And how do I apply?" - Nance G., Grafton MA Walt: Hi Nancy, thanks for asking. We’ll just need a financial statement, including six months of pay stubs, as well as your ...
August 10, 2020 by Marty in step-planDisney
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