Rumor Archives - Page 11 of 90 - Uncle Walt's Insider

Disney Parks to rebrand as health care, will accept Medicaid, Medicare

The fact that Disney will now get federal health care funds is "not another money grab," according to CEO Chapek. BURBANK, CA -- In a recent call with investors, Bob "Bob" Chapek, CEO of the Disney Company, announced plans to relabel the Disney theme parks as health care facilities, primarily to be able to rake in federal health funds. The newly renamed "Disney Parks, Experiences, and Hospice Care" division will begin accepting Medicare/Medicaid payments within a few months. Citing lower guest satisfaction, ...
January 17, 2022 by Walt in California, Florida
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We can't wait to visit Apple, Oklahoma! Photo [CC-BY-2.0] via eoi.es.

Apple to acquire Disney

We assume the deal includes the parks. City parks, that is. CUPERTINO, CA -- In a recently leaked memo from CEO Tim "Bob" Cook, it appears that Apple, the first company to hit $3 Trillion in valuation, is poised to spend some of their stockpiled cash on acquiring Disney! Fans of Mickey Mouse dismayed by our misleading headline need not worry, however. In the leaked memo, Cook allegedly says, "Disney, Oklahoma, has a low population, and our research has shown that it would ...
January 8, 2022 by Walt in Other
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Meet the newest Disney Imagineer. Photo © 2021 Google / Street View.

Elon Musk to be named CEO of Disney

You put your Elon in, you take your Chapek out... Admit it, you started to sing that. BURBANK, CA -- According to several unreliable news outlets, former Disney CEO Bob "Bob" Iger is set to take over for Bob "Bob" Chapek as CEO of the Disney company. These reports cite numerous complaints against Chapek, but mainly his overuse of the word "magical" [Ed.: Especially all those "magical" new fees for guests, right?]  Despite these hopeful rumors of a triumphant return of Bob "Bob" Iger ...
December 24, 2021 by Walt in Other
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Oh, yeah. There's also a giant mask on Cinderella Castle. Photo by Michael Gray [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr.

14 unusual Covid protocols in effect at Disney parks

Question: will more people stay home because of the fear of Covid, or because of all the restrictions? While some live entertainment has returned to Disney Parks, Resorts and Spas (the spa live entertainment is worth the extra charge!), guests have noticed something unusual: the perfomers stay away from each other, never touching. Not even in the climactic romantic parts of Beauty and the Beast Live: Belle and the prince just smile and hold out their hands towards each other. So... romantic? With ...
December 15, 2021 by Marty in California, Florida, World
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Okay, you'd think Disney would at least try to get different-looking actors for the other two roles. Photo mostly © 1989 Twentieth Century Fox.

“Weekend at Walt’s” coming soon to Disney+

We're guessing there's also a subplot about Mafia hitmen. BURBANK, CA -- In another brilliant move under the guidance of Bob "Bob" Chapek, Disney has announced an all-new, original feature film coming to Disney+: Weekend at Walt's! Chapek told Uncle Walt's Insider, "Disney fans want to see original movies and series -- they practically beg us! We of course listened, and in the past few years we've created and released many, many original movies, like the realistic version of the Lion King. ...
November 7, 2021 by Walt in Other
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