Uncle Walt's Insider covid-19 Archives - Page 6 of 18

Cinderella Castle, moved two inches to the left. Photo by Flickr user: Michael Gray Wantagh [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Wikimedia.

Walt Disney World forced to redraw borders; entire resort moved two inches

Why would you even rely on GPS in the 1960's? WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Bad data from 1960-era GPS satellites has forced Disney to make minor changes to the entire Walt Disney World area, all 39 square miles. Orlando Land engineer Bucky "Buck" Buckercocktosten filed a drawing with the Reedy Creek Improvement District recently showing the errors. As it turns out, the borders in the initial survey differ from the borders actually used. The boundaries used during construction were off by ...

Totally not a ride exit. Just a gift shop with a really fun and entertaining entrance. Photo by Patrick Pelletier [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikimedia.

Disneyland beats California ban, will open all rides as ‘shops’

The rides already exit into gift shops. Why not take advantage of that? ANAHEIM, CA -- Disney has already shown that you can safely operate a theme park. Billions of visitors currently at Walt Disney World (95% of them at Disney's Hollywood Studios) have proven that fact. However, California governor Gavin Newsome (D) has continued to force the parks to stay closed, which has led to longer bread and toilet paper lines, especially in Southern California. But now Disney park officials may have ...

November 2, 2020 by Walt in California

What Walt Disney World used to look like at Christmas time. Stock photo from DepositPhotos.

Walt Disney World cancels Christmas

He took all their presents, their ribbons, their wrappings, Their snoof and their fuzzles, their tringlers and trappings! WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- For decades, Disney has embraced the holidays, overloading their parks with festive garlands, lights, music, and shows. There were few places in the world that celebrated the season like Walt Disney World. But not this year. In yet another indicator that 2020 really sucks, [Ed.: Are professional journalists allowed to say "sucks" now?] [Marty: Forget professional journalists. How about us?] park officials announced ...

October 21, 2020 by Marty in Florida

We're already sick... of each other. Quarantine sign [CC0] via Pixabay.

Uncle Walt’s staff in quarantine after going viral

We're at an elevated risk, since we go viral so rarely. UNCLE WALT'S INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD -- The entire staff of Uncle Walt's Insider has been quarantined in our Svalbard headquarters after one of our articles went viral recently. As mentioned by completely non-political and unbiased website Snopes [Ed.: remember, we are satire.], a recent article we wrote was shared around the world and viewed millions of times. [We think it was the one about Six Flags opening a Hall of Vice Presidents. ...

September 21, 2020 by Marty in Other

Former and current Disney CEO Bob 'Michael' Eisner. (Or is it Michael 'Bob' Eisner? We're so confused.) Photo by Ed Schipul [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr.

Chapek out, Eisner back at Disney after poor earnings report

He's baa-aaaack! BURBANK, CA -- Just a couple of weeks since Disney released their latest earnings, Bob "Bob" Chapek is out as the CEO of the Walt Disney Company. Uncle Walt's Insider can confirm that the board has named Michael "Bob" Eisner as his successor. Bob "Bob" Iger, the once and future chairman of the Walt Disney Company, said in a closed door meeting that his legacy shouldn't be clouded by factors outside of his control. He is, therefore, bringing Bob (Eisner) ...

August 26, 2020 by Walt in Other