shelter Archives - Uncle Walt's Insider
UWI (Step)Moms Panel

(Step)Moms Panel: Where do you come down on the mask debate?

The Uncle Walt's Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] "Dear (Step)Moms: Where do you come down on the whole mask debate?" - Anthony F., Washington DC   Baby Yoda: Baby Yoda: Marty: Make up your mind. Baby Yoda: Walt: Hi Tony, thanks for asking. You have the right not to wear one, but a business has the right to ...
July 27, 2020 by Marty in step-planDisney
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The elusive Disney social distancing sticker. Photo by Jukeboxprint.com, modified.

Disneyland delays reopening due to shortage of social distancing stickers

"Without these stickers strategically placed on the ground, how will guests know when they are at least 6 feet apart!?!?" ANAHEIM, CA -- Disney will delay the re-opening of Disneyland -- but only due to the lack of social distancing stickers. Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) stated, "We were all set to re-open Disneyland. We have stockpiled enough hand sanitizer to flood a small town (in addition to the walk-through vats), there are hand washing stations setup every 15 ...
June 27, 2020 by Walt in California
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It will look like this on Day One. Photo courtesy Wallpaper Flare.

Disney Parks will now reopen at full capacity, calling crowds a “protest”

Apparently you're less likely to catch the virus if you hold certain points of view. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- As Walt Disney World inches towards its reopening date in 2025, the company is backtracking on its plans for social distancing. The parks first announced they would require guests to undergo temperature checks, maintain distance from people they like as well as those they don't, and immerse themselves completely in hand sanitizer. The company also said park capacity would be limited to ...
June 17, 2020 by Marty in Florida
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Former official campaign photo of Joe Rohde’s Earring, courtesy Joe Rohde’s Earring for President 2020. Photo by alchetron.com [CC BY-SA 3.0].

Joe Rohde’s Earring suspends campaign, does not endorse anyone

It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for them. BURBANK, CA -- Joe Rohde's Earring yesterday is suspending its campaign for the presidency. The brief press release issued yesterday gave three reasons for the decision. The campaign just never gained traction, due to "the quarantine preventing campaign events," "difficulty in fundraising," and the fact that "as an earring [it] is not Constitutionally eligible for the office." Because the campaign is only suspended, Joe Rohde's Earring could re-enter the race ...
June 3, 2020 by Marty in Other
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Seniors celebrate Grad Night at Walt DIsney World. Photo by Joe Penniston [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0] via Flickr.

Photos from 2020 Walt Disney World “Grad Night”!

We have exclusive photographs of the festivities! WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- It's that time of year again, when Orlando-area high school seniors gather at Walt Disney World to celebrate their graduation. And Uncle Walt's Insider has exclusive photos of the event! Enjoy! [Ed.: Marty, I know we run this same piece every year. Don't you think we should change the text?] [Marty: Nah. No one will notice.] Are you as depressed now as we are? ...
May 13, 2020 by Marty in Florida
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