Uncle Walt's Insider satire Archives - Page 74 of 209

Uncle Walt’s Insider Week in Review for May 31

Here's what you missed while doing something much less important! Appearing this past week on Uncle Walt's Insider: Monday (STEP) MOMS PANEL: BEST ACTIVITIES WHILE WAITING FOR THE PARKS TO REOPEN! - The (Step)Moms show you how we're passing the time. You will regret it. Tuesday BREAKING NEWS: UNCLE WALT'S INSIDER TO CLOSE PERMANENTLY - Wait, what? They should tell the Facebook blurb writer, right? Or have we been hacked? Wednesday CORRECTION: UNCLE WALT'S INSIDER IS NOT CLOSING PERMANENTLY - We know this is a shock to our ...

What exactly are the mask's ear loops holding on to? Photo by Kjaergaard [CC BY-SA 3.0] via Wikimedia.

SeaWorld Orlando reopens June 11, won’t sell off their animals after all

What exactly are Shamu's mask's ear loops holding on to? ORLANDO, FL -- Looks like SeaWorld's animals will get to swim around some more. Our taste buds' loss is their gain. Interim SeaWorld CEO Marc Swanson (of Swanson TV dinners fame) presented their plans to the May 27th Orange County Economic Recovery Task Force (M27OCERTF, as all the kids call it). SeaWorld has canceled the sale of their animals to the Gorton's Fisherman and will re-open the parks. The plan is very ...

May 30, 2020 by Walt in Florida

This will keep the Castle from being infected with guests. Photo by Michael Gray [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr.

Walt Disney World reopens July 11th, 2025!

2025? Sounds like they're rushing into this. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Disney announced plans for the reopening of Walt Disney World at the May 27th Orange County Economic Recovery Task Force ("M27OCERTF"). A "phased reopening" of the parks will begin in just over five years! Jim McPhee (brother to Nanny McPhee), Senior Vice President of Operations for Walt Disney World, presented the plans. McPhee broke out into song --one written, of course, by Disney Legend Richard Sherman. It was a catchy number, ...

May 29, 2020 by Walt in Florida

(Step)Moms Panel: What is it with all these ‘Uncle Walt’s Insider closing’ articles?

The Uncle Walt's Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] "Dear (Step)Moms: First Uncle Walt's Insider spends much of last week announcing Disneyland closing, or not. Now this week it says Uncle Walt's Insider is closing or not. What's the deal? Were you hacked? Is Uncle Walt's Insider closing? Are you ...

May 28, 2020 by Marty in step-planDisney

One more for the road. The buried photo under there is [CC0] via Pxhere.

EXTRA: Uncle Walt bans use of red circle/slash symbol

We all saw this coming. UNCLE WALT'S INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD -- Citing concerns that the symbol was being "overused," the title graphics were becoming "confusing," and the graphics guy was getting "lazy," our Uncle Walt has banned the use of the red circle and slash graphic on this site, at least temporarily. [Ed.: Next to be "banned": overuse of "quote marks."] We'll keep you posted if the ban is lifted. [Marty: I already have the graphic ready!] Do you have a good idea for a ...

May 27, 2020 by Marty in Spotlight