The Science® says the virus won’t survive the freezing process. Probably. Maybe. SACRADEMENTO, CA — Gov. Gavin Newsom (D-Hypocrite) issued new guidelines for theme park reopening in California today. Disneyland can reopen to any guests who have been frozen in carbonite for at least 14 days. Admission preference will be given to anyone frozen since…
All the other websites have maps. Why not us? UNCLE WALT’S INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD — In what can only be described as “shocking” (it’s right there in the headline, see?), a new map of the United States of America provides amazing insight into our current condition. Uncle Walt’s Insider is the only place you will…
![We're already sick... of each other. Quarantine sign [CC0] via Pixabay.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/UWI-quarantine-768x403.jpg)
We’re at an elevated risk, since we go viral so rarely. UNCLE WALT’S INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD — The entire staff of Uncle Walt’s Insider has been quarantined in our Svalbard headquarters after one of our articles went viral recently. As mentioned by completely non-political and unbiased website Snopes [Ed.: remember, we are satire.], a recent…
![Remember, it all started with a mouse. Photo by Olivier Bruchez [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/protesters-topple-mickey-partners-statue-disneyland-768x403.jpg)
Come along with Marty as he visits Walt’s original Magic Kingdom! UNCLE WALT’S INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD — I’m so excited! Our boss is normally pretty tight on money, but after we grumbled about his visiting Walt Disney World recently, he’s opening up the purse strings! He said that if I can get myself from Svalbard…
He’s been “sneezing like crazy.” BURBANK, CA — In a statement released today, the Disney Company announced that all seven dwarfs have been quarantined after possible exposure to COVID-19. Only one is showing any symptoms of the virus. Citing medical privacy laws, the company refused to provide the identity of the symptomatic character. However, they…