Uncle Walt's Insider outbreak Archives

Oh, yeah. There's also a giant mask on Cinderella Castle. Photo by Michael Gray [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr.

BREAKING: Walt Disney World closed following Monkeypox outbreak

Wait, what did they put on Main Street USA??? WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- In stunning news, exclusive to Uncle Walt's Insider [Ed.: Actually, most of the articles we make up are exclusive to us], Walt Disney World has shut down entirely due to an outbreak of monkeypox. Details are sketchy at the moment, so instead of making stuff up like we usually do, we reached out to our favorite Disney spokesperson. Our favorite Disney spokesperson Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) was ...

The anal probing was happening just off-camera. Thankfully. Photo by Sergey Galyonkin [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr.

Batuu, Black Spire Outpost to restart planetary lockdown

Can Covid actually infect all of those different Star Wars species? BLACK SPIRE OUTPOST (CA, NOT FL) -- As many on Planet Earth attempt to return to some sort of normal, another planet is going back into lockdown. The Governor of Black Spire Outpost has announced that due to the Covid-19 Delta Variant, Batuu would enter lockdown once again. While guests visiting the Disneyland Resort will still follow current CDC guidelines, those entering Black Spire Outpost must show a negative Covid test ...

July 16, 2021 by Walt in California, Florida

A few of the non-Disney gondolas. Photo by DisneyTouristBlog.com, used by permission, modified.

To prevent virus, Skyliner cars will be hermetically sealed

Officials were inspired by the new Disneyland masks. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- The Walt Disney World Resort and Spa and Biological Warfare Factory has had its share of odd rules over the last year. To combat the pandemic, park officials have required guests to fully immerse themselves in hand sanitizer, prohibited wearing gators (presumably just on the face), and have enforced social distancing on it's a small world dolls. But the latest step may be the oddest yet. "We're completely sealing the ...

March 21, 2021 by Marty in Florida

it's a small world of social distancing. Video still by Inside the Magic via YouTube.

Dolls in “it’s a small world” being masked, spaced 6 feet apart

"Those dolls are packed close together indoors, singing." DISNEYLAND, CA -- Getting the Joe Biden animatronic to sign an executive order reopening Disneyland was just the first step. Now park officials are scrambling to make the Happiest Place on Earth the safest place on Earth. "We took a look at all of our attractions," said Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation), "and put together a prioritized checklist of changes that were needed. And number one on the list was it's a ...

February 13, 2021 by Marty in California

Cover photo: Our first robot president signs another diktat. Photo by WillMcC [CC BY-SA 3.0] via Wikimedia / ABC News.

Disney’s Biden animatronic signs Executive Order reopening Disneyland!

Even malfunctioning, it's still more coherent than the real thing. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Disney Parks, Resorts & Spas officials have "taken advantage of a unique time in history," Uncle Walt's Insider has learned. "We know that there have been a flurry of executive orders being signed by Biden," said our source, who wishes to remain anonymous. Disney (no relation) continued, "And we have a Biden animatronic in the Hall of Presidents, and a resort in California that's been shut down for ...

February 10, 2021 by Marty in California, Florida