Uncle Walt's Insider app Archives - Uncle Walt's Insider

More fees for Walt Di$ney World? Photo via Pixabay, modified.

Free things Disney will never charge extra for!

Finally, a list of some positive things about Disney! BR'ER BANK, CA -- We at Uncle Walt's Insider have given The Disney Company and Bob "Bob" Chapek some grief about all of their recent extra-cost experiences. While, yes, they do give the impression that Disney is trying to squeeze every shiny dime out of their guests, there are some positive things to report. You see, there are some things at Disney Parks, Resorts & Spas that are completely free to guests. Not only ...

Genie+ isn’t the end of new Disney upcharges – shareholders cheer!

We'd write a subheadline, but we're afraid Disney will charge us for it. BURBANK, CA -- Uncle Walt's Insider previously reported (with 100% accuracy) that it was coming, but now Disney has now officially announced the new "Genie" service. The Genie app eliminates all those annoying free features that investors hated and brings in a new era of pay-to-play to the Disney parks. This revenue-generating service (again, first announced here at UWI) will eliminate FastPass, FastPass+, MaxPass, MaxPass+, and FastPass+-++-++. [Walt.: Marty, ...

August 24, 2021 by Walt in California, Florida

We're already sick... of each other. Quarantine sign [CC0] via Pixabay.

Uncle Walt’s staff in quarantine after going viral

We're at an elevated risk, since we go viral so rarely. UNCLE WALT'S INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD -- The entire staff of Uncle Walt's Insider has been quarantined in our Svalbard headquarters after one of our articles went viral recently. As mentioned by completely non-political and unbiased website Snopes [Ed.: remember, we are satire.], a recent article we wrote was shared around the world and viewed millions of times. [We think it was the one about Six Flags opening a Hall of Vice Presidents. ...

September 21, 2020 by Marty in Other

The only symptomatic dwarf. Photo © Disney.

Seven Dwarfs quarantined; only one is symptomatic

He's been "sneezing like crazy." BURBANK, CA -- In a statement released today, the Disney Company announced that all seven dwarfs have been quarantined after possible exposure to COVID-19. Only one is showing any symptoms of the virus. Citing medical privacy laws, the company refused to provide the identity of the symptomatic character. However, they did say he has been "sneezing like crazy." There have been no test results to confirm that the symptoms were caused by the virus. The unnamed individual is ...

August 4, 2020 by Marty in California, Florida, Other

Dreamfinder and Figment infected? No surprise -- they aren't ever socially distanced from each other! Photo by Loren Javier [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0] via Flickr.

Dreamfinder and Figment in quarantine due to Covid-19

They're normally inseparable, so we imagine (get it?) quarantine together won't be too difficult. EPCOT, FL -- As the parks prepare to re-open, Disney has started to share what attractions, restaurants, and characters will be available. But notably missing from this list is Dreamfinder and Figment! Uncle Walt's Insider reached out to our favorite Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) for details. Innooooculation, innooooculation... "Sadly, yes, Dreamfinder and Figment will not be available. While HIPPA prevents us from discussing the details, I'll tell ...

July 17, 2020 by Walt in Florida