The Uncle Walt’s Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]
“Dear (Step) Moms: I make pasties all the time. Would you like to try some? I have a great recipe and have been making them for 60 years.” – Marguerite N., Harrison, MI
Marty:
Dear Marge,
Yes. Absolutely. Unless they’re plant-based.
Walt:
Hi Maggie, thanks for writing.
I recall eating lots of paste in my childhood, so I am hoping that you have improved on the flavor. I was partial to Elmer’s, and honestly, it wasn’t good. And it was the best of the bunch!
Hopefully your paste is better and more flavorful! Do you ship to Svalbard?
Ub:
Hi Maddie,
That’s not very family-friendly. I don’t think we should be talking about pasties here. But since we are…
Do you make the ones with the tassels? I like doing that thing where you make them spin.
Baby Yoda:
Marty:
Sorry, B.Y., I’m not going there. You’ll have to ask Ub what he is talking about.
Baby Yoda:
Ub:
Baby Yoda, you are over 18, right? Here you go:
NSFW: Click to show.
Marty:
Ub, we’ve talked about this. No. Stop.
Walt:
Hey guys, a major money making idea just came to mmmmmiiiiiii!!! Ub! Put a shirt on! Marty cover The Child’s eyes! No, not X. Not your’s either! Get away! Baby Yoda, force choke me and put me out of my misery!!!!
Oh, Mags, what flavors do you make?
Ub:
I don’t get it. Would this image be better?
NSFW: Click to show.
Marty:
Walt, was the “major money making idea” Uncle Walt’s Brand Eye Bleach? Because we’d sell loads this week.
I want some right now, in fact.
X:
Seasoned beef, wrapped in pastry dough. How can you go wrong with that? Well, I guess you could, but I’ve never seen it.
Marty:
That’s very different from the pictures Ub posted.
Ub:
How about this?
SFW: Click to show.
Baby Yoda:
Harriet:
Just don’t go to Amsterdam. There are already enough people there without you.
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