The Uncle Walt’s Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]
“Dear (Step)Moms: It was only a few months ago that the biggest problem involving Disney Parks was stranding Skyliner riders in the air for a few hours. Good times! What do you predict will go wrong in the coming months?” – Aaron L., Phoenix AZ
Walt:
Hi Adam, thanks for asking.
How exciting that you were stuck on the Skyliner! I think the biggest problem is going to be a mass churro shortage as guests start to come back. Or bodies littering Main Street U.S.A. You can never tell these days!
X:
Hi Aaron. To tell the truth, I’m really worried about squirrels.
The Disney squirrels have always been a friendly bunch, and despite signs warning people not to do it, they’ve always been well fed. With the parks reopening after months of being closed, I foresee the squirrels being very hungry, and very aggressive. I think there will be a not-insignificant number of squirrel attacks in the weeks immediately after.
Yes, we got trouble. Right there in Magic Kingdom. With a capital “T”, that comes right after “S” and that stands for Squirrel.
Baby Yoda:
X:
No, the solution is not a Boys Band. I’m not sure what the solution is, but that’s certainly not it.
Harriet:
Just don’t go to Walt Disney World. There are enough people there without you.
Ub:
I’m predicting the biggest problem will be the exploding ducks at Epcot.
You see, the ducks who call the World Showcase Lagoon home take weeks and months to get used to the fireworks patterns. In fact, you can watch them calmly swim around the lagoon based on where shells are flying. During Illuminations, it became one of the wonderful parts of the show, since the people of the world were represented, and so were the ducks.
Now, the ducks have had three months without their nightly assault on their home, so you know it’s going to take them by surprise once again as the fireworks burst to life… but this time with great carnage and death.
In addition to the adult ducks, there are the ducklings that hatched in the peaceful serenity of the empty World Showcase, who have never seen a firework explosion in their life. Surely, I expect the duck death toll to exceed the Covid count several times – and just in the first few nights of shows.
And that is why I am calling upon the governor of Florida to declare an emergency for the ducks, so that the survivor ducks can receive the aid they need. I am also calling on Disney to temporarily remove their signage encouraging the guests not to feed the ducks.
Not that the guests follow those directions anyway.
I’m Ub Skrewi, and I approve of this (Step)Moms Panel answer!
Marty:
Yes, all of those things will happen. But my fellow (Step) Moms are avoiding the hard truth. It needs to be said, so we can prepare for the worst:
Churro shortage.
Oh, wait. Walt already mentioned it. I really should read everyone else’s answers and not just assume they’re pointless, like normal.
Ub:
I specifically remember signing a Non-Disclosure Agreement about that.
Marty:
About the churro shortage? Or about giving pointless answers?
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