“It’s just magical — that’s my takeaway. The way Disney gets people to give them money. Magical.” WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL — Joel Osteen, the lead pastor for Houston megachurch Lakewood Baptist, recently visited Walt Disney World and came away inspired. Was it the characters? The music? The churros? No — Osteen was greatly impressed…
![An extremely rare rain event at the Magic Kingdom. Photo by Andrew Evans [CC BY 2.0] via Flickr.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/rainy-day-at-magic-kingdom-768x432.jpg)
Apparently it rains every day in the “Sunshine State”! BAY LAKE, FL — Climate scientists and washed-up politicians are pointing to a “recent” weather phenomenon, and Florida’s nickname, to bring awareness to global warming. One scientist thinks Florida will need to abandon its identity as “The Sunshine State” and return to just being known as…
Apparently the entire land is CGI. Just like the new Soarin’. BATUU, FL — Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge has not welcomed a single guest, but reports are already coming in that fans are not happy. A growing legion of Star Wars fans are boycotting this new land, and the reason may surprise you. “Blasphemy!” “Worse…
![Contraband. Photo [CC0] via publicdomainpictures.net.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/disney-ice-cube-ban-768x432.jpg)
The new rules ban loose ice. Probably also just-slightly-promiscuous ice. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL — Since Disney announced its coming ban on ice, the Internet has been filled with the wailing and gnashing of teeth. You can’t throw out an initial TCP SYN packet without hitting an ACK packet containing complaints about this ban. [Ed.:…
Pictured: a partial group of current Democrat presidential candidates. WASHINGTON, DC — Grumpy, Sneezy, and Doc want to be your President. So do their fellow dwarfs, along with Donald Duck’s nephews and many, many other well-known Disney characters. In fact, Federal Election Commission filings this week show that multiple characters have formed exploratory committees, and…