![Using a telephoto lens, a shy baby Simba One can just be glimpsed behind its mother. Photo by Michael Lowin [CC BY-SA 3.0] via Wikimedia.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/baby-simba-one-kilimanjaro-safari-768x403.jpg)
It will be months before handlers can get close enough to determine the gender. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL — Disney’s Animal Kingdom Theme Park and Spa has announced an addition to the Kilimanjaro Safari ride — a newborn Safari Truck! Disney (the company) spokeswoman Jun Disney (no relation) is “very excited”: “The Safari Truck breeding…
![Remember, it all started with a mouse. Photo by Olivier Bruchez [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/protesters-topple-mickey-partners-statue-disneyland-768x403.jpg)
No word yet on whether it will reopen in Anaheim or in Texas. ANAHEIM, CA — The long awaited re-opening date of the Disneyland Land Resort has finally been announced! Josh D’Amaro, Chairman of Disney Parks, Experiences, Products, and Spas alongside some random dude named Gavin something, announced that Disneyland will re-open to guests on…
![We're already sick... of each other. Quarantine sign [CC0] via Pixabay.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/UWI-quarantine-768x403.jpg)
We’re at an elevated risk, since we go viral so rarely. UNCLE WALT’S INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD — The entire staff of Uncle Walt’s Insider has been quarantined in our Svalbard headquarters after one of our articles went viral recently. As mentioned by completely non-political and unbiased website Snopes [Ed.: remember, we are satire.], a recent…
Who? ANAHEIM, CA — In a time when thousands of attractions are fleeing the state of California (here, here, here, here, and here), one team dares to be different. The Anaheim Los Angeles [english: “The Angels”] Angels of Anaheim have announced that they will NOT be leaving the state of California. In a press conference yesterday, a spokesperson for…
![The Golden Gate Bridge, Texas-bound? Photo by Prabhanjankumarnandyala [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikimedia.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/texas-bound-golden-gate-bridge-768x403.jpg)
Where will it end? SAN FRANCISCO, CA — It started with hundreds of thousands of residents leaving California. Then theme park Disneyland decided to leave, and was quickly followed by Knott’s Berry Farm, SeaWorld, and Disney California Adventure. Now the first non-park landmark has announced its departure: the famous Golden Gate Bridge. The Golden Gate…