bob chapek Archives - Uncle Walt's Insider
Not photoshopped. We use GIMP. Image by Disney. (Mostly.)

Top surprise announcements at the D23 Expo

Disney's going all in on... whatever the latest thing is. Sorry, we haven't read the article yet. ANAHEIM, CA - The yearly D23 Expo in Anaheim is always the source of juicy news, and as usual, Uncle Walt's Insider is full of it! Here are some of the biggest announcements from Disney this year: TRON Lightcycle Run's opening day announcement date announced The new Magic Kingdom attraction's opening date will be announced by September 3 of next year! Or maybe that was when they ... Read more
Personally, we can't wait for the crossover series. Photo elements © Disney.

Ads, no ads, or really specific ads – new Disney+ tiers announced

This article brought to you by Disney+, unless you pay us. GLENDALE-ISH, CA -- Disney CEO Bob "Bob" Chapek is continuing his practice of adding charges to things that used to be free! During a recent earnings call, Chapek announced that streaming service Disney+ will be adding advertisements, but that an ad-free experience would still be available -- for an additional fee, of course. Our intrepid reporters [Ed.: I don't think our reporters have been intrepid since Covid hit] were able to discover the ... Read more
Hey, look! He's even doing the two-finger point! Photo courtesy TripAdvisor, slightly (?) altered.

Disney to buy Holy Land Experience, replace images of Jesus with CEO Chapek

Walt: "Hey, Marty, can you make a cover image for a story on Bob Chapek replacing Jesus without being too blasphemous?" Marty: "Can I finally get paid for doing this?" Walt: "Ha ha ha ha ha! No." ORLANDO, FL-- Disney has announced exciting plans to acquire and reopen the Holy Land Experience theme park! In an all-cash deal valued at, oh, let's round it up to $20, Disney will buy the property, buildings, and intellectual property associated with the park. (See our companion article: ... Read more

Disneyland reveals new Magic Key prices – with a blockout date surprise!

By Groot's Hammer, what a savings! ANAHEIM, CA -- In a recent earnings call, Disney CEO and Grand Poobah Bob "Bob" Chapek had some big news that Disney fans are sure to love! While speaking about huge profits from the parks department, he said that big changes were in store - changes that guests should love! Starting in August, guests will be able to purchase a Magic Key in one of four tiers, all at rock bottom prices! For large values of "rock bottom"  ... Read more
Steak, probably from a cow. Probably. Photo by with wind [CC BY-NC 2.0] via Flickr.

To rehab its image, Disney publicly embraces cannibalism

This stance is "just as likely to be popular as the last one!" BR'ER BANK, CA -- The Disney Company has taken a beating recently over its political stances. Once the most trusted name in family entertainment, a recent poll shows that level of trust down to 54% overall. With some subgroups, the trust in Disney's programming is as low as 23%. "Our leaders are a bit confused," says Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation). "All we did was push back hard ... Read more