Rest in peace, poor churro, we hardly knew ye.
HARAMBE, FL -- A riot broke out in the Africa section of Disney's Animal Kingdom after a man was spotted throwing away an entire churro. Our very own Uncle Walt witnessed this atrocity first hand.
"I was taking note of a bit of paint chipped off the top of one of the buildings so I could file a complaint with Guest Relations about the state of the park," Uncle Walt told himself so ...
Pictured above (L-R): Winnie the Pooh, Chairman Xi Jinping.
BURBANK, CA -- Sources within the headquarters of The Disney Company confirm that the character of Winnie the Pooh is being "retired" worldwide, at the request of Chairman Xi Jinping of China.
Uncle Walt's Insider spoke with Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) about the change.
"It's been long known that Chairman Xi is sensitive about his uncanny resemblance to Winnie the Pooh," Disney (no relation) said. "It's even confused Joe Biden from ...
First they came for the ducks, but I did not speak out because I was not a duck...
SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- Complete Unbiased® social media giant Twitter is permanently banning the @RealDonaldDuck account from ever tweeting again.
Head Twit Jack Dorsey announced the move today. "We try to understand The Donald's tweets, but they are just uncomprehensible most of the time. So given his anger issues and his blatant Nazi past, we figured he must be inciting violence."
Uncle Walt's Insider will keep ...
We all saw this coming.
UNCLE WALT'S INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD -- Citing concerns that the symbol was being "overused," the title graphics were becoming "confusing," and the graphics guy was getting "lazy," our Uncle Walt has banned the use of the red circle and slash graphic on this site, at least temporarily. [Ed.: Next to be "banned": overuse of "quote marks."]
We'll keep you posted if the ban is lifted. [Marty: I already have the graphic ready!]
Do you have a good idea for a ...
Disney Parks' new stroller policy has guests desperate to recoup their investment.
EbAY H.Q., WHEREVER THAT IS [Note: have the intern look this up.] [Ed.: For the thousandth time, Marty, we do not have an intern. And it's your week to empty the trash.] -- As of next month, large strollers are no longer allowed in Disney Parks and Resorts and Spas. And suddenly some families find themselves with large strollers costing hundreds of dollars -- and pull-wagons of any size -- that ...