(Step)Moms Panel: "The virus killed my job. Should I start my own business?" |

(Step)Moms Panel: “The virus killed my job. Should I start my own business?”

UWI Step Moms Panel

The Uncle Walt’s Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]

“Dear (Step) Moms: “Being out of work with the COVID-19 outbreak, I am thinking of starting a business. What kind of business do you think I should get into, and will you loan me some money to start it?” – Sam, Orlando, FL

Ub:

Hello Chris, and thank you for contacting the (Step) Moms.

Generally speaking, we are a very pro-business group. We love businesses, whether they are a place where people can go and ride theme park rides, businesses that make theme park rides to provide to the theme parks where people can go ride theme park rides, or churro makers who have a recipe close to that of Disney that might provide other theme parks closer to us like Tivoli Gardens with churros that people can eat while riding theme park rides made by theme park ride makers for theme parks that have rides.

Now is a great time to start a business, and we applaud your tenacity. It’s going to be a lot of work, but I think it’ll be worth it.

The key if you go into the churro business is corporate espionage. You see, Disney has the best churros anywhere, and to compete you’ll need to make your churros with the exact same recipe they use. If you can’t do that, stay home and take up knitting socks for cats.

Hope that helps!.

Harriet:

Just don’t start a theme park. There are too many empty theme parks without you.

Walt:

Hi Samuel, thanks for asking.

You think we have money?

Baby Yoda:

Walt:

No no no, I’m not holding out on you. Just… put your hand down… we’re all <insert choking noises>

Marty:

Hello, Stan. While the others work to revive Walt, let me say that Ub is not entirely correct. This is not a great time to start a business, unless it is the right kind of business.

With any business, you’ll want to look around and see what demand is there that is not being fulfilled. So it’s the perfect time to start a business making toilet paper, face masks, or churros. Also, if you come up with a cure for COVID-19, I bet you’d find some buyers.

It is not a good time to start a restaurant, a joy buzzer company, or a cruise line.

As for lending you money,… hahahahahahaha!

X:

Selling MLM crap on your Facebook page does not count as starting your own business.

If you really owned your own business, you would be wholly responsible for product design, manufacturing, inventory, pricing, distribution, and marketing, not to mention hiring, taxes, and other business type stuff. With MLM, you are only promoting stuff that other people design/manufacture. It’s not your own business.

And MLM isn’t supporting small business. The CEO of Mary Kay made half a million dollars last year. The founder of Amway? He’s a billionaire who owns three professional sports teams, and managed to buy his daughter-in-law a position as the U.S. Secretary of Education, despite her (lack of) qualifications. You’ll be lucky to break even, but these folks just keep getting richer.

Marty:

Um, X… I wasn’t familiar with ‘MLM’, so I looked it up at the Urban Dictionary. Exactly what kind of products are you talking about??? 

Baby Yoda:

Marty:

Cover the Child’s eyes!

Walt:

<insert coughing noises> Also, I’m at Walt Disney World.

Lines are short, except for Peter Pan, still 75 minutes. I’m boarding group 55 for Rise of the Resistence. Can’t get a reservation for ’Ohana or Cinderella’s Royal Table.

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