(Step)Moms Panel: Disneyland is NOT closing permanently! |

(Step)Moms Panel: Disneyland is NOT closing permanently!

UWI Step Moms Panel

The Uncle Walt’s Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]

“Dear (Step) Moms: So Shanghai Disneyland has reopened. I am hopeful that the U.S. parks will follow someday soon. But now I’m hearing rumors that the original Disneyland may close permanently! Please tell me that isn’t true!” – Jeff B., Santa Ana CA

Baby Yoda:

Marty:

Dear Jeb, no offense, but like Baby Yoda says, that’s crazy. I can’t imagine Disney ever permanently closing Walt’s original theme park.

Parts of it, sure. (See “People Mover/Rocket Rods.”) But not the whole thing.

Walt:

Hi Jessica, thanks for asking.

How exciting that you’re going to Disneyland! I highly recommend staying at either the Disneyland Hotel or the Grand Californian. If we can convince enough people to not stay at Paradise Pier, maybe they will tear it down. That is an embarrassment to the Disney Hotels, and should be condemned.

Anyway, you have my guarantee that the gates of Disneyland will open once again! Have a magical vacation.

Harriet:

Just don’t go to Disneyland. It’ll be open, but don’t go there.

X:

Hi Jeff. Nope, not true. Haven’t you learned not to believe anything on WDWNT?

Ub:

Oh, come on, Judd. If I have to hear this one again, I’m going to need to slap someone. Get it together.

Remember that scene in Airplane where the lady is panicking and everyone’s lined up to reassure and calm her down? Here, I found it. for you.

via GIPHY

Obviously, you need that. In these difficult times, it’s easy for people to come to stupid conclusions about what is going to happen. This is a serious case of that happening.

Here’s why that will never, ever, ever happen. There’s no chance that they would ever close the gift shops permanently because they just make too much money. And where are their gift shops located? That’s right! In the hotels, and the parks where you have to pay admission in order to get to the gift shops. Now, if they find a good way to place their in-park, theme gift shops in places where you don’t have to go to a Disney theme park or hotel to get to them, we’ll have to revisit this question.

So there is just NO chance that they will keep the parks closed for good.

Hope that helps.

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