Funny, we’re pretty sure we’ve witnessed this battle scene while floating by in a tiny boat.
DISNEYLAND RESORT, CA — For years and years, Captain Barbossa has waged war against the small village of Puerto Dorado on Isla Tesoro, as witnessed by hundreds of thousands of guests floating by the battle scene in tiny boats. Barbossa was attacking because the village refused to produce Captain Jack Sparrow. Of course, everyone knows Captain Jack Sparrow is nowhere to be found in that attraction.
The demands were met with fierce resistance, with the Wicked Wench (Barbossa’s ship) and the fortress trading cannon fire. As many, many guests can attest, the battle raged for years, but with poorly-aimed shots that mostly impacted the water (next to the tiny boats).
Those defending the island had threatened to sink the ship, and today they were finally able to carry out that threat.
He did not throw away his shot
Last night, however, apparently a single cannon was loaded and aimed properly by an unknown assailant. During ride testing prior to park opening, the cannon fired and fatally struck the Wicked Wench. The ship quickly sank, with all crew members feared lost, including the beloved Captain, Hector Barbossa.
Rumors that Captain Jack Sparrow was responsible for the loaded cannon is, of course, false. As we already said, everyone knows Captain Jack Sparrow is nowhere to be found within the attraction.
Services for Captain Barbossa are pending. Stay tuned for updates on this breaking news!
Too bad once a character in the Pirates franchise is dead they can’t come back. Am I right? Let us know in the comments below!
Cover photo: This isn’t another death that happened a long time ago that we should have known about, is it? Photo © Disney.