![New signage for the Express Sidewalk to the Magic Kingdom. Photo by M. Minderhoud [CC BY-SA 3.0] via Wikimedia.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/disney-express-sidewalk-to-magic-kingdom-768x404.jpg)
No handrails planned for now; Disney plans to “wait and see if they’re needed.” WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL — It’s no secret that the Walt Disney World Monorail system is in dire need of an upgrade. However, with the Covid-19 closures, Disney’s ability to spend money on projects has greatly declined. Many projects have been…
![We're already sick... of each other. Quarantine sign [CC0] via Pixabay.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/UWI-quarantine-768x403.jpg)
We’re at an elevated risk, since we go viral so rarely. UNCLE WALT’S INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD — The entire staff of Uncle Walt’s Insider has been quarantined in our Svalbard headquarters after one of our articles went viral recently. As mentioned by completely non-political and unbiased website Snopes [Ed.: remember, we are satire.], a recent…
Who? ANAHEIM, CA — In a time when thousands of attractions are fleeing the state of California (here, here, here, here, and here), one team dares to be different. The Anaheim Los Angeles [english: “The Angels”] Angels of Anaheim have announced that they will NOT be leaving the state of California. In a press conference yesterday, a spokesperson for…
![The Golden Gate Bridge, Texas-bound? Photo by Prabhanjankumarnandyala [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikimedia.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/texas-bound-golden-gate-bridge-768x403.jpg)
Where will it end? SAN FRANCISCO, CA — It started with hundreds of thousands of residents leaving California. Then theme park Disneyland decided to leave, and was quickly followed by Knott’s Berry Farm, SeaWorld, and Disney California Adventure. Now the first non-park landmark has announced its departure: the famous Golden Gate Bridge. The Golden Gate…
The Uncle Walt’s Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] “Dear (Step)Moms: What do you think of all the theme parks leaving California? How…