reopen Archives - Page 4 of 5 - Uncle Walt's Insider
What exactly are the mask's ear loops holding on to? Photo by Kjaergaard [CC BY-SA 3.0] via Wikimedia.

SeaWorld Orlando reopens June 11, won’t sell off their animals after all

What exactly are Shamu's mask's ear loops holding on to?  ORLANDO, FL -- Looks like SeaWorld's animals will get to swim around some more. Our taste buds' loss is their gain. Interim SeaWorld CEO Marc Swanson (of Swanson TV dinners fame) presented their plans to the May 27th Orange County Economic Recovery Task Force (M27OCERTF, as all the kids call it). SeaWorld has canceled the sale of their animals to the Gorton's Fisherman and will re-open the parks. The plan is very ...
May 30, 2020 by Walt in Florida
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This will keep the Castle from being infected with guests. Photo by Michael Gray [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr.

Walt Disney World reopens July 11th, 2025!

2025? Sounds like they're rushing into this. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Disney announced plans for the reopening of Walt Disney World at the May 27th Orange County Economic Recovery Task Force ("M27OCERTF"). A "phased reopening" of the parks will begin in just over five years! Jim McPhee (brother to Nanny McPhee), Senior Vice President of Operations for Walt Disney World, presented the plans. McPhee broke out into song --one written, of course, by Disney Legend Richard Sherman. It was a catchy number, ...
May 29, 2020 by Walt in Florida
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UWI Step Moms Panel

(Step)Moms Panel: What is it with all these ‘Uncle Walt’s Insider closing’ articles?

The Uncle Walt's Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] "Dear (Step)Moms: First Uncle Walt's Insider spends much of last week announcing Disneyland closing, or not. Now this week it says Uncle Walt's Insider is closing or not. What's the deal? Were you hacked? Is Uncle Walt's Insider closing? Are you ...
May 28, 2020 by Marty in step-planDisney
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Uncle Walt's Insider is NOT closing permanently. We think. Photo [CC0] via Pxhere.

CORRECTION: Uncle Walt’s Insider is NOT closing permanently

Oops. Looks like we were hacked. Or incredibly lazy. Or going for clickbait. Like we would ever do that. ANAHEIM, CA -- Never mind. Sorry. Were you looking forward to Uncle Walt's Insider closing? Let us know in the comments below! Need more Uncle Walt's in your life? Be sure to LIKE us on Facebook, FOLLOW us on Twitter, and tell everyone you know! Cover photo: Uncle Walt's Insider is NOT closing permanently. We think. Photo [CC0] via Pxhere.
May 27, 2020 by Marty in Spotlight
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Now no one will ever take us seriously. Photo [CC0] via Pxhere.

BREAKING NEWS: UNCLE WALT’S INSIDER TO CLOSE PERMANENTLY

Not a surprise. No one's gone there for weeks. ANAHEIM, CA -- The news that we all feared has come. Contrary to the ramblings of those know-nothing "(Step)Moms" yesterday, officials at the Uncle Walt's Insider Company announced today that the Uncle Walt's Insider will remain closed permanently. Although the reason has not been announced, we suspect the closure is because Uncle Walt's Insider has become extremely unpopular. No official numbers are available, but some sources are report that NO ONE has visited Uncle ...
May 26, 2020 by Marty in Spotlight
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