nuclear Archives - Uncle Walt's Insider
Epcot's Iran Pavilion, pictured before tomorrow's air strike. Photo by Alen Ištoković [CC BY 3.0] via Wikimedia Commons.

Epcot’s Iran Pavilion suffers blackout, Israel Pavilion blamed

This is the worst international incident at Epcot since the maps calling Canada "America's Hat." WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Tensions are high in EPCOT Center's World Showcase, as one pavilion is accusing another of sabotage and breaching its sovereign territory. The Epcot Iran Pavilion suffered a power outage for several hours yesterday afternoon. The outage affected the pavilion's restaurants, mosque, and nuclear weapons laboratory. A spokesperson for the pavilion cast the blame on the nearby Israel Pavilion, opened by President Trump in ... Read more
Electrical lines soon to carry Walt-generated power! Photo [CC0] via Picryl.com.

Problem solved: all California to be powered by Walt Disney spinning in his grave

Tattoos? Piercings? Guys wearing nail polish? Whirr, whirr, whirr, whirr, whirrrrrr... ANAHEIM, CA -- No more blackouts for the California power grid -- the problem of an insufficient electrical supply has been solved, perhaps permanently! "Our Imagineers -- smart people -- they've theorized this was possible for quite a while," said Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation). "Just hook up a generator in the vault where we have Walt Disney's frozen body, get it spinning fast enough, and boom, plenty of ... Read more
A rare photo of the sentient Speedway cars, taken just before the ride closed. Photo by Theme Park Tourist [CC BY 2.0] via Wikimedia Commons, modified.

Self-driving Tesla cars coming to Autopia and Tomorrowland Speedway

Could you program in a different destination? GLENDALE, CA -- Are the cars in Disneyland's Autopia and the Magic Kingdom's Tomorrowland Speedway being replaced with self-driving Teslas? That what some are saying, including our own headline. An anonymous Disney insider who recently left the company [Ed.: Hi, Joe!] has leaked a document detailing a new relationship between Elon Musk's Tesla and Disney. The document provides for attraction sponsorship by Tesla, a sponsorship that will bring self-driving, all-electric cars to Disneyland's Autopia and the ... Read more
Guests try out the new Disneyland handcar on the former monorail track. Photo by FASTILY [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikimedia and the National Park Service [CC0].

Disneyland goes greener: handcars replacing monorails

"With California shutting down electrical power, it's the natural next step." ANAHEIM, CA -- In a sign of the times, Disneyland is replacing its entire monorail fleet with guest-powered handcars. This signals a move away from environmentally suspect (and unreliable) sources of energy, such as electricity, to renewable sources like people. "Of course the Disney (the company) Company is committed to environmental issues," says Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation). "We're always looking for ways to be more environmentally friendly, like ... Read more
A rare photo of the sentient Speedway cars, taken just before the ride closed. Photo by Theme Park Tourist [CC BY 2.0] via Wikimedia Commons, modified.

Tomorrowland Speedway cars became sentient, began speaking

The shutdown earlier this year may not have been because of Tron. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- When the Tomorrowland Speedway was closed at the beginning of this year, Disney gave construction of the new Tron roller coaster as the reason. And just like that coaster's delays were not construction issues but a ransomware attack, apparently Disney wasn't entirely honest about the Speedway closure. It closed because the cars became sentient. A future foretold If you've seen 2006's animated film Cars or any of its sequels ... Read more