![Wait, who was taking this picture? Photo by U.S. Indo-Pacific Command [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0] via Flickr; inset photo by Kjersti Holmang [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikipedia.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/disney-nuclear-missile-launch-biden-animatronic-768x403.jpg)
We told you not to bring nuclear launch codes to the Magic Kingdom! USS TENNESSEE, ATLANTIC OCEAN– In a shocking turn of events, a nuclear missile was accidentally launched from the USS Tennessee in the Atlantic Ocean yesterday. The apparent culprit? None other than the Joe Biden audio-animatronic at Walt Disney World’s Hall of Presidents. The…
![Epcot's Iran Pavilion, pictured before tomorrow's air strike. Photo by Alen Ištoković [CC BY 3.0] via Wikimedia Commons.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/epcot-iran-pavilion-world-showcase-768x403.jpg)
This is the worst international incident at Epcot since the maps calling Canada “America’s Hat.” WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL — Tensions are high in EPCOT Center’s World Showcase, as one pavilion is accusing another of sabotage and breaching its sovereign territory. The Epcot Iran Pavilion suffered a power outage for several hours yesterday afternoon. The…
![Electrical lines soon to carry Walt-generated power! Photo [CC0] via Picryl.com.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/electrical-lines-soon-to-carry-disney-generated-power-768x403.jpg)
Tattoos? Piercings? Guys wearing nail polish? Whirr, whirr, whirr, whirr, whirrrrrr… ANAHEIM, CA — No more blackouts for the California power grid — the problem of an insufficient electrical supply has been solved, perhaps permanently! “Our Imagineers — smart people — they’ve theorized this was possible for quite a while,” said Disney (the company) spokesperson…
![A rare photo of the sentient Speedway cars, taken just before the ride closed. Photo by Theme Park Tourist [CC BY 2.0] via Wikimedia Commons, modified.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/tomorrowland-speedway-cars-became-sentient-e1618499720196-768x403.jpg)
Could you program in a different destination? GLENDALE, CA — Are the cars in Disneyland’s Autopia and the Magic Kingdom’s Tomorrowland Speedway being replaced with self-driving Teslas? That what some are saying, including our own headline. An anonymous Disney insider who recently left the company [Ed.: Hi, Joe!] has leaked a document detailing a new…
![Guests try out the new Disneyland handcar on the former monorail track. Photo by FASTILY [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikimedia and the National Park Service [CC0].](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/disneyland-dumps-monorail-for-handcars-768x432.jpg)
“With California shutting down electrical power, it’s the natural next step.” ANAHEIM, CA — In a sign of the times, Disneyland is replacing its entire monorail fleet with guest-powered handcars. This signals a move away from environmentally suspect (and unreliable) sources of energy, such as electricity, to renewable sources like people. “Of course the Disney…