Uncle Walt's Insider nuclear Archives

Wait, who was taking this picture? Photo by U.S. Indo-Pacific Command [CC BY-NC-ND 2.0] via Flickr; inset photo by Kjersti Holmang [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikipedia.

Accidental nuclear launch traced to Hall of Presidents

We told you not to bring nuclear launch codes to the Magic Kingdom! USS TENNESSEE, ATLANTIC OCEAN-- In a shocking turn of events, a nuclear missile was accidentally launched from the USS Tennessee in the Atlantic Ocean yesterday. The apparent culprit? None other than the Joe Biden audio-animatronic at Walt Disney World's Hall of Presidents. The animatronic Biden and former presidents had recently been upgraded to connect to the AI system ChatGPT. "We thought that adding ChatGPT would make the Hall of Presidents more lifelike ...

May 5, 2023 by X in Florida, World

Epcot's Iran Pavilion, pictured before tomorrow's air strike. Photo by Alen Ištoković [CC BY 3.0] via Wikimedia Commons.

Epcot’s Iran Pavilion suffers blackout, Israel Pavilion blamed

This is the worst international incident at Epcot since the maps calling Canada "America's Hat." WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Tensions are high in EPCOT Center's World Showcase, as one pavilion is accusing another of sabotage and breaching its sovereign territory. The Epcot Iran Pavilion suffered a power outage for several hours yesterday afternoon. The outage affected the pavilion's restaurants, mosque, and nuclear weapons laboratory. A spokesperson for the pavilion cast the blame on the nearby Israel Pavilion, opened by President Trump in ...

April 26, 2021 by Marty in Florida

Electrical lines soon to carry Walt-generated power! Photo [CC0] via Picryl.com.

Problem solved: all California to be powered by Walt Disney spinning in his grave

Tattoos? Piercings? Guys wearing nail polish? Whirr, whirr, whirr, whirr, whirrrrrr... ANAHEIM, CA -- No more blackouts for the California power grid -- the problem of an insufficient electrical supply has been solved, perhaps permanently! "Our Imagineers -- smart people -- they've theorized this was possible for quite a while," said Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation). "Just hook up a generator in the vault where we have Walt Disney's frozen body, get it spinning fast enough, and boom, plenty of ...

April 20, 2021 by Marty in California

A rare photo of the sentient Speedway cars, taken just before the ride closed. Photo by Theme Park Tourist [CC BY 2.0] via Wikimedia Commons, modified.

Self-driving Tesla cars coming to Autopia and Tomorrowland Speedway

Could you program in a different destination? GLENDALE, CA -- Are the cars in Disneyland's Autopia and the Magic Kingdom's Tomorrowland Speedway being replaced with self-driving Teslas? That what some are saying, including our own headline. An anonymous Disney insider who recently left the company [Ed.: Hi, Joe!] has leaked a document detailing a new relationship between Elon Musk's Tesla and Disney. The document provides for attraction sponsorship by Tesla, a sponsorship that will bring self-driving, all-electric cars to Disneyland's Autopia and the ...

April 17, 2021 by Walt in California, Florida

Guests try out the new Disneyland handcar on the former monorail track. Photo by FASTILY [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikimedia and the National Park Service [CC0].

Disneyland goes greener: handcars replacing monorails

"With California shutting down electrical power, it's the natural next step." ANAHEIM, CA -- In a sign of the times, Disneyland is replacing its entire monorail fleet with guest-powered handcars. This signals a move away from environmentally suspect (and unreliable) sources of energy, such as electricity, to renewable sources like people. "Of course the Disney (the company) Company is committed to environmental issues," says Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation). "We're always looking for ways to be more environmentally friendly, like ...

November 22, 2019 by Marty in California