Problem solved: all California to be powered by Walt Disney spinning in his grave

Tattoos? Piercings? Guys wearing nail polish? Whirr, whirr, whirr, whirr, whirrrrrr…

ANAHEIM, CA — No more blackouts for the California power grid — the problem of an insufficient electrical supply has been solved, perhaps permanently!

“Our Imagineers — smart people — they’ve theorized this was possible for quite a while,” said Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation). “Just hook up a generator in the vault where we have Walt Disney’s frozen body, get it spinning fast enough, and boom, plenty of power. And best of all, it’s clean, renewable energy.”

We thought the whole “frozen Walt” thing was just a rumor, and that he was cremated and buried in Forest Lawn? “He was, yes,” Disney (no relation) clarified. “What we have is a clone. A frozen clone. And believe me, it spins just as much as the original would have.”

Ulterior motives

While Florida’s Walt Disney World has its own nuclear power plant, the California parks have had to rely on the state’s underpowered electrical grid. 

“We’ve been working on this quite a while, you see,” says Disney (no relation). “The problem has always been the amount of rotation. A lot of the inexplicable things you’ve seen happen at Disney Parks — allowing Cast Member beards, turning Epcot into a showcase for movie franchises, the castle birthday cake — they’ve all been efforts to get Walt spinning faster in his grave.

“And sure, we’d get a bump in rotation speed from all of these things, but it was never enough to really crank out the juice.”

“A learning process”

“Apparently, though, it’s cumulative. And the whole new ‘Disney look’ standards were what finally got him churning out the power. Yay, us! And now we just need to keep adding new things every few years that will get him spinning faster.”

Disney (no relation) looks thoughtful.

“It’s been a learning process, finding out what will set Walt off,” she explains. “Funny, we really thought that just building California Adventure would do it.”

What else could the company do to get Walt to spin? Let us know in the comments below!

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Cover photo: Electrical lines soon to carry Walt-generated power! Photo [CC0] via Picryl.com.