Soon, Escanaba will be just like Orlando! But slightly colder. ORLANDO, FL — Following an announcement that construction on their new “Epic Universe” theme park had been halted, Universal Orlando hit us with another surprise. Rather than being the third park [Ed.: Universal claims it would be their fourth, but a warmed-over version of Wet…
We’re bumping our regular (Step)Moms Panel discussion for this breaking news! ESCANABA, MI — Yoopers across the globe are celebrating, because they will soon have a Disney park in their own backyard. That’s an expression, by the way. The park won’t be literally in anyone’s backyard. That would cause a lot of problems, and the…
![Contraband. Photo [CC0] via publicdomainpictures.net.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/disney-ice-cube-ban-768x432.jpg)
The new rules ban loose ice. Probably also just-slightly-promiscuous ice. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL — Since Disney announced its coming ban on ice, the Internet has been filled with the wailing and gnashing of teeth. You can’t throw out an initial TCP SYN packet without hitting an ACK packet containing complaints about this ban. [Ed.:…
![The new ground cover at Universal Parks. Photo [CC0] via Pixabay.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/universal-welcomes-smokers-768x432.jpg)
They’re hoping smokers will abandon Disney parks, where smoking will soon be banned. UNIVERSAL CITY, CA — Universal is always looking for ways to set themselves apart from Disney. Even so, the company’s response to Disney’s new smoking ban is surprising, as officials from NBCUniversal have announced a shocking new policy effective May 1st at…
After May 1st, no Cast Member can wish you “Have an ice day!” ANAHEIM, CA and LAKE BUENA VISTA, FL — In a surprising statement, Disney has announced that ice cubes and dry ice will no longer be allowed in their theme parks. The news was buried in a much larger press release about limits…