Universal announces new "Smoke 'em if you got 'em!" policy |

Universal announces new “Smoke ’em if you got ’em!” policy

The new ground cover at Universal Parks. Photo [CC0] via Pixabay.

They’re hoping smokers will abandon Disney parks, where smoking will soon be banned.

UNIVERSAL CITY, CA — Universal is always looking for ways to set themselves apart from Disney. Even so, the company’s response to Disney’s new smoking ban is surprising, as officials from NBCUniversal have announced a shocking new policy effective May 1st at all of their theme parks. The so-called “Smoke em if you got em!” policy will allow guests and employees to “light up” whenever, and wherever, they would like.

There are a few exceptions, most notably where local, state, federal, and intergalactic regulations prohibit smoking. This new policy is part of a larger change in rules that will also allow wagons into the parks, ice chests filled with glorious chunks of frozen water, as well as dry ice, and pets. Yes, pets.

An open borders policy

Our crack team of reporters at Uncle Walt’s Insider were unable to locate these new rules, but a kid on the street pulled them from the Universal Studios Hollywood website after we paid him $20. [Ed:. We need to explore this ‘Google’ more and see what else it can show us!] 

Here is Universal’s “FAQ” [Ed.: Not sure what that stands for] about the new policies:

Universal Studios Hollywood Frequently Asked Questions 

[Ed.: Okay, “FAQ” makes sense now.]

Q. What areas of Universal Studios Hollywood Resort permit smoking?

A. Universal Studios Hollywood theme parks, water parks, NBC Sports Narrow County of Sports Complex, and Universal Studios Hollywood resort hotels are smoking environments, except for designated non-smoking areas. At Universal Studios Hollywood Resort hotels, smoking is permitted everywhere, except for designated non-smoking areas. Smoking is permitted in guest rooms or on balconies. Guests can request location information at the front desk. If you have questions about our smoking policy or wish to locate the nearest designated non-smoking area, please ask a Universal Team Member or visit our website. Please note: smoking marijuana is only permitted at the Jamaican-Me-Crazy experience at Universal City Walk, in employee break rooms, and right before you enter the Fast and the Furious Supercharged section of the world famous Studio Tour. At Universal Studios Hollywood Resort, we are by law required to inform you that breathing in our theme parks, resort hotels, water parks, and the NBC Sports Narrow County of Sports Complex, have been known to the State of California to cause cancer.

Q. Can I bring in my Keenz Stroller Wagon?

A. Under California law, Universal Studios Hollywood cannot discriminate against the size of the stroller used in our theme parks, resort hotels, and at Universal Studios Hollywood Citywalk. This includes wagon strollers, double strollers, triple strollers, the triple Lindy stroller, tandem strollers, and any trailer type stroller that you can push or pull with an Electronic Conveyance Vehicle, wheelchair, stroller, or person.

Q. Can I bring in an ice chest filled with ice? What about dry ice?

A. Yes.

Q. Can I bring my pet to Universal Studios Hollywood Resort?

A. Since you’re going to lie and say that your pet is a service animal anyway, we’ve decided to allow all leashed pets into the Universal Studios Hollywood Resort. This includes all guest areas. The only exception is any pet or service animal riding in a stroller or carried in a bag, unless it is a goldfish. Everyone agrees that using a stroller for your pet is ridiculous. Even in California.

Filtered or filterless? Buy a pack of smokes or roll your own? Let us know in the comments below!

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Cover photo: The new ground cover at Universal Parks. Photo [CC0] via Pixabay.