The Uncle Walt’s Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]
“Dear (Step)Moms: I went to book a vacation to Walt Disney World – my first – and their website says they’re closed? Really? What’s up with that?” – Carl S., Cheyenne Wy
Harriet:
Just don’t go to Walt Disney World. There are enough people there without you.
Marty:
X:
Hi Carl. Have you been living under a rock for the past 3 months? Have you managed to not see that every other post on Facebook is about wearing a mask? Do you get all your news directly from President Trump’s twitter feed?
There’s a global pandemic going on right now. (Despite what President Trump would have you believe, it’s a serious disease, the numbers are still growing, and it’s not going to just go away on its own.) To avoid spreading the disease more, Disney World closed in March. They will be reopening later this month, but for now, still closed.
Baby Yoda:
Ub:
Hi, Cheyanne, and thank you for writing the Uncle Walt’s Insider (Step) Moms Panel!
First, don’t listen to X. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
Second, it’s not what you think. The parks have been closed, but it’s absolutely not related to the pandemic. That was just a fluke. Trump loves you and wants you to be… wait, sorry. I just got done watching an episode of Touched By An Angel, so I’m kind of in a mode right now, but bad theology is beyond the scope of this answer.
And Marty’s comment about the current batch of terrorist ducks makes no sense. They’re only exploding as a part of the nighttime spectaculars that take place at every park. It’s really quite self-sacrificial and lovely.
But the real reason the parks are currently closed comes down to the leak in the Seven Seas Lagoon. For some reason water has been draining out. No one’s sure why, or where the water is going, but when the Richard F. Irvine touched bottom and people went flying into the lagoon, they were just lucky it didn’t make the news.Further, it turns out that a similar leak has been discovered in the wave pool at Typhoon Lagoon. However, this one is easier to explain as it’s an actual pool, not a sand-bottom lake.
So your guess is as good as ours.
Hope that helps!
And don’t forget to register to vote! I’m not sure where Carl, Wyoming is, but it must be lovely this time of year. Your fellow citizens are counting on you to come and register to vote where I am running, and vote for me.
I just wish Marty would tell me where it is that I’m running, and for what office.
Marty:
Between Ub’s running for office and X’s Trump screed, suddenly we’re MSNBC? But, you know, not as funny.
Walt:
Hi Wally, thanks for asking!
It’s so exciting that you’re booking a Walt Disney World vacation!
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