The Uncle Walt’s Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]
“Dear (Step)Moms: I’ve read that (Step)Mom Walt recently visited Walt Disney World, and Marty spent several days at (though not necessarily in) Disneyland. Are the reduced crowds worth having to wear a mask all the time?” – Esther T., Pocatello, ID
Dear Pocahontas, it was a bit of a nightmare. It started on the flights from Svalbard to L.A. Would you believe that the plastic Richard Nixon mask I picked up at the Halloween store wasn’t acceptable to the airline? Maybe if I’d gone with Reagan.
Anyway, as you said, I wasn’t even able to get into Disneyland. But if I had, there was literally no one else there, so it would have been awesome, mask or not.
Also, sorry you didn’t get the Democratic presidential nomination.
Hi Oscar, thanks for asking.
How exciting that you want to visit a Disney park! I overheard Ub on the phone with a tattoo artist, asking if he could tattoo a realistic looking mask on his face. That’s an idea….
It’s bound to be an improvement over his current face.
Wait, this isn’t our private chat, is it, Walt? Dang it.
I did call back when he was done and asked if I could switch it to a paper bag over the head tattoo instead. He said he would do it for a dozen churros. So, as you know, it won’t happen.
Just don’t go to Walt Disney World. There are already enough people there without you.
Exactly. “Yes” it’s worth it, or “yes” Ub should tattoo a bag over his head?
I think “yes, it’s worth it”. And Ub only needs the bag over his head of he starts going around in Detroit Lions jerseys.
Hi Mordecai, and thank you for submitting your question to the (Step) Moms.
I’m really struggling with how to answer your question, and in the end it depends on your fortitude. I actually prefer a paper bag over my head, as opposed to a mask. When I put the thing on, it’s a stimulation that I just can’t stand. Additionally, I am a stickler for doing things as they should be done, so I need to change my mask every half hour, unlike the idiots who hang their masks from their rearview mirrors for reuse later. Yuck. So if you’re anything like me, no. It’s not worth it.
I’m also relieve to see that my plot worked. Had my buddy Bang Bang told Walt it would cost $3,500 or $5,000 for his request, he’d have coughed up the money. But when the call came in while we were hanging out, I told him to say it would be six churros, but he had to exaggerate. Oh, well.
So anyway, I’ve decided to cancel my travel to everywhere but South Dakota for the next few months. Thank you, Walt, for okaying my travel arrangements… though I am not sure why you stressed a one-way ticket.
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