So much inclusivitiableness!
WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL – Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, things are changing at Woke Disney World — such as, they will no longer say “ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls.”
Which, to be fair, had to happen — there are, what, 637 genders, with more being discovered all the time? If they added them all to “ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,” announcements would last all day!
Instead, they’ll be saying “dreamers of all ages,” which apparently is more inclusive, even though for years we’ve been told that “dreamers” means undocumented immigrant children. Sorry, we have trouble keeping up.
But we at Uncle Walt’s Insider are curious: What other things is Walt Disney World doing in the name of inclusivity? Well, we now have a list that we totally did not completely make up just now. Read and learn!
All four Walt Disney World parks now accept admission passes from Universal Studios.
So inclusive! No word on whether season passes to the Holy Land Experience will also get you in.
Mickey and Minnie will both be gender-fluid.
Donald already was.
The Trump audio-animatronic in the Hall of Presidents will wear a dress.
Specifically, Hillary’s. [Note: We’re double-checking this one. We thought Hillary only owned pantsuits.]
Instead of rapping, the cast of “Hamilton Live! Featuring the Muppets” will now perform a series of sea shanties.
They are more historically accurate.
Phylicia Rashad has been removed as chair of the Dino Institute.
She used to be married to Bill Cosby, you know.
Graphics operators will no longer be allowed to typo ESPN Deportes as “ESPN Deported.”
This is not specifically related to Walt Disney World, but we couldn’t resist.
Moff Gideon’s Bakeshop will be forced to create cakes celebrating the Rebel Alliance.
It’s only fair. Rebel bakeshops just aren’t as good.
The Festival of the Lion King has been renamed the “Festival of the Lion Supreme Non-Gendered Ruler.”
And then because that wasn’t inclusive enough, it was renamed again to “Festival of the Lion.” And then “Festival of the Animals.” Currently, it’s just “Festival.”
Spaceship Earth will now be narrated by Neil Degrasse Tyson.
And he will explain that the Earth isn’t really like a grand and miraculous spaceship.
From now on, only 85% of non-equity male roles in the entertainment department will be filled by gay men.
This is definitely the biggest change from how things used to be!
What do you think will they do with the overwhelming toxic masculinity of Goofy? Let us know in the comments below!
Cover photo: This official Disney photo sure does leave out a lot of races, ethnicities, and genders. Be better, Disney, be better! Photo by The Walt Disney Company.