Weird lessons learned from a recent Walt Disney World trip - Uncle Walt's Insider

Weird lessons learned from a recent Walt Disney World trip

Flavor Flav's favorite castle. Photo © 2021 Disney.

Marty shares some valuable, universally-applicable tips from his recent vacation!

WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL – Ah, Walt Disney World. It’s that magical place where you can say hello to Mickey Mouse and goodbye to your bank account, often on the same day!

But whether you are planning your first visit to the Mouse, or like Walt, basically live there in a little-used utility closet in the Grand Floridian and only come out to forage through the kitchen trash of Victoria & Albert’s, there are always new tips and tricks you can learn about executing that perfect vacation. And since Marty just returned from Walt Disney World, he is just overflowing with wonderful advice. And churros.

Here are Marty’s tips based on his own very real experiences at Walt Disney World:

Even in Florida, December evenings can be chilly. So don’t leave your only jacket in a chair at your departure airport.

True story. On the plus side, without a jacket you quickly learn how to shut the air vents on the Skyliner gondolas.

Speaking of the Skyliner, there are three… chimes? bongs? somethings? that sound regularly in the stations. I’m not exactly sure what they’re for, but they are not an excuse for breaking into singing Tony Orlando & Dawn’s hit song “Knock Three Times (On the Ceiling If You Want Me)” every time you hear them.

Partly because your spouse will quickly start to scowl at you every time you do it, but mostly because the tempo the chimes set is too slow.

Packing advice: no matter how many t-shirts you pack, they won’t be wearable if the lid of a bottle of Chloraseptic comes off in the suitcase, making them all sticky, and smelling of Chloraseptic.

Really, this applies to any brand of cherry-flavored oral anesthetic spray.

If you are over the age of 50, don’t forget to pack extra feet, knees and hips.

The ones you have now will be very angry with you after only a few hours in the parks.

Would you like a comfortable way to experience the Epcot fireworks show Harmonious? Just grab a seat in the American Gardens Theatre!

Pros: you get to sit, and you can hear everything really well! Cons: you can only see the part of the show that’s on the American Gardens stage; that is, none of it. (So much for those Disney fansites that say there aren’t any bad viewing places around World Showcase Lagoon!)

Disney’s Genie service is a free new day-planning tool in their park app that you can safely ignore.

Okay, it might be good for those Stupid Guests who plan a trip costing thousands of dollars without the slightest clue about what’s there [Ed.: Though if they’re that dumb, we doubt they’ll be able to operate the app.], but for anyone with the most limited passing knowledge of Disney parks, you can do a better job planning your day.

A stay in a Walt Disney World resort hotel gives you a lot of perks: free MagicBands, fastpasses, luggage pickup and delivery from Orlando International Airport, airline check-in and baggage handling, free transportation from and to the airport on Disney’s Magical Express, free parking if you drive your own car — but there’s a catch.

The catch is that your stay has to be sometime in the distant past. Now you pay for all of these. But hey, at least Disney has lowered their hotel rates to compensate for these losses.

If you have Magic Bands from a previous trip, check in online and you can go right to your room without stopping by the front desk!

We did this — went straight to our room! Our Magic Bands didn’t actually let us in, but we could go straight there! We had to go to the front desk to get them working for us.

Finally, the number one tip I can give you when you are planning a trip to Walt Disney World is this: take me with you.

Seriously, I can’t afford to go there any more. I’m quiet (compared to many of Earth’s larger land mammals), don’t smell too bad (compared to many of Earth’s larger land mammals) and don’t take up much space (compared to many of Earth’s larger land mammals). I’d even pay for my own food. Please?

See, planDisney Panel? I give great trip planning advice! Bet you regret turning me down in this year’s new member search, huh?! Watch out in 2022 — I have my qualifying trip now!

Do you have any great Walt Disney World advice we can steal? Let us know in the comments below!

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Cover photo: I think I saw this on my trip, through the tears over all the money I spent. Photo © 2021 Disney.