No, Disney, he’s not done with you yet!
TALLAHASSEE, FL – Florida governor Ron DeSantis has been bringing a smackdown to the Disney company lately. Ever since Disney publicly opposed the popular Don’t Groom Kids law in Florida (and video leaked of Disney exec meetings admitting they were inserting sexuality into kids’ programming), Florida has been finding ways to make them regret it.
DeSantis and the state legislature have repealed the Reedy Creek Improvement District, Disney’s self-governing body. And there may be more to come involving federal benefits, including revoking extra copyright protections and no-fly zones over their parks. In other words, Disney may soon be forced to operate their business in Florida just like <shudder> other theme parks!
But is the governor done with Disney yet? Of course not. (Just read the subheadline.) Here are some other things we think the governor is getting ready to unleash on the Mouse:
The daily parade must be replaced with Mickey’s naked Walk of Atonement down Main Street.
“Shame! … Shame! ….”
Cast Member facial hair will no longer be optional.
And yes, for every Cast Member, no matter their gender.
All Disney facilities must close on Sundays.
In other words, What Would Chick-Fil-A Do?
Disney must hire the folks that run Orlando International Airport’s Twitter account.
Wait… this would actually be a good thing.
DeSantis must be added to the Partners Statue with Walt & Mickey.
Showing that we’re all in this together.
The land beneath portions of Animal Kingdom will be returned to it’s rightful native owners.
Epcot will now host the Festival of Ron DeSantis.
Year-round, people. Year. Round.
Mandatory “Everything’s a Dollar” days.
Park admission, food, hotel rooms, merch. Everything.
Disney will be required to add a Presbyterian church on Main Street USA.
Which would then send missionaries to Animal Kingdom.
Maps of the Orlando area will no longer include Walt Disney World.
Instead it will show a big blank area labeled, “Herre Be Dragons.”
Reedy Creek may be allowed to stay, if they rename it.
The Ron DeSantis Improvement District does have a nice ring to it.
Run for President in 2024 so he can punish Disney in all 50 states.
Make Disney tear it all down and start over.
Eh, maybe they can keep Cosmic Rewind, since it just opened and all.
Walt, Ub, X & Marty all contributed to this article, so we have plausible deniability about any particular item.
What else can he do to torment them? Let us know in the comments below!
Cover photo: Who knows what he’s planning next? Oh, wait, we do. Read the article. Why are you reading the copyright notices first anyway? Photo © Disney & SI.com.