QUESTION: Did Walt Disney World reopen to increase Magical Funerals® clients? |

QUESTION: Did Walt Disney World reopen to increase Magical Funerals® clients?

Now Mickey will cry over your dead body! Photo by Chad Sparkes [CC BY 2.0] via Flickr, modified.

Would Disney exploit a health crisis to drum up business?

WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL — While many have questioned Walt Disney World’s decision to reopen its theme parks during the pandemic, some are suggesting a more sinister motive.

“They have a business built on death,” said Cast Member Jordan from Davenport, FL our source, who asked to remain anonymous, referring to WDW’s Magical Funerals® services.

“I’ve been working with the Disney Magical Funerals® department for over a year. And you’d think that when the pandemic hit, our services would be in greater demand. But no, people were staying in, they weren’t working, so they didn’t want to ‘splurge’ on a fancy funeral with Mickey and Goofy among the mourners. Our numbers dropped like everywhere else.

Ulterior motives?

“So when they pushed to reopen,” Jordan our source continued, “I was suspicious. I don’t have any proof, but it seems like something the company would do to drum up business. And we’re already starting to fill up our bookings! In fact, I think there’s like a two-month waiting list now.

“Oh, and one of my buddies in Custodial at the Magic Kingdom swears he saw Jafar coughing on people.”

We reached out to Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) for comment. She responded, “‘Reopen to increase Magical Funerals clients’? Don’t be ridiculous. We call them ‘guests.'”

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Cover photo: Mickey is totally not socially distanced from that coffin! Photo by Chad Sparkes [CC BY 2.0] via Flickr, modified.