Uncle Walt's Insider California Archives - Page 9 of 58

You can save lots of $$ if you don't go here! Photo [CC0] via Wikimedia.

What to expect when Disneyland reopens

Here's all you need to know about the return to Walt's original park! ANAHEIM, CA -- Thanks to fake Biden's executive order and impenetrable mask breakthroughs, Disneyland may actually reopen soon! So we thought we'd share with you what to expect when you return to Disneyland. Buckle in, and away we go! Stale churros We hate to show any disrespect to Nature's Most Perfect Snack®, but that last batch of churros was made over a year ago. Expect them to be... well, let's just ...

it's a small world of social distancing. Video still by Inside the Magic via YouTube.

Dolls in “it’s a small world” being masked, spaced 6 feet apart

"Those dolls are packed close together indoors, singing." DISNEYLAND, CA -- Getting the Joe Biden animatronic to sign an executive order reopening Disneyland was just the first step. Now park officials are scrambling to make the Happiest Place on Earth the safest place on Earth. "We took a look at all of our attractions," said Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation), "and put together a prioritized checklist of changes that were needed. And number one on the list was it's a ...

February 13, 2021 by Marty in California

Cover photo: Our first robot president signs another diktat. Photo by WillMcC [CC BY-SA 3.0] via Wikimedia / ABC News.

Disney’s Biden animatronic signs Executive Order reopening Disneyland!

Even malfunctioning, it's still more coherent than the real thing. WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL -- Disney Parks, Resorts & Spas officials have "taken advantage of a unique time in history," Uncle Walt's Insider has learned. "We know that there have been a flurry of executive orders being signed by Biden," said our source, who wishes to remain anonymous. Disney (no relation) continued, "And we have a Biden animatronic in the Hall of Presidents, and a resort in California that's been shut down for ...

February 10, 2021 by Marty in California, Florida

Just one of the scenes being removed from the Jungle Cruise. Photo by Gleilson Miranda/Secretaria de Comunicação do Estado do Acre, [CC BY 2.5 BR] via Wikimedia.

Actual indigenous tribe reacts to Jungle Cruise changes

And then they invited us to stay for dinner! MIDDLE OF THE JUNGLE -- As Disney fans react to the announcement from Disney about the upcoming changes to the beloved ride The Jungle Cruise, Uncle Walt's Insider reached out to a previously un-contacted tribe to get their reaction. Initially we were concerned when the men of the tribe approached us with bows and spears, but after Uncle Walt offered them churros, we think we were welcomed as part of the tribe. It appears ...

February 7, 2021 by Walt in California, Florida

A new, simple, Covid-19 prevention mask. Photo courtesy Texas A&M University, maybe.

Will this mask breakthrough allow Disneyland to reopen?

It's 100% effective at stopping the virus, and can be made with common household materials. COLLEGE STATION, TX -- This may be the break Disneyland officials have been waiting for! Researchers at the Texas A&M University Department of Biotechnology and Concrete Husbandry have announced a new masking solution that is 100% effective at preventing the spread of Covid-19. "It's so simple, we don't know why we didn't think of it before," says A&M (the college) spokesperson Jun Aggie (no relation). "We've been using ...

February 4, 2021 by Marty in California, World