Throw a few barricades and hand-painted signs in front of the security checkpoints, and they’re good to go! ANAHEIM, CA — Borrowing an idea from Seattle protestors, today the Disney Company declared the Disneyland Resort an “autonomous zone” and opened the parks. The move comes in defiance of a ban by California Governor Gavin Newsom…
Nothing says “overbearing dictator” like denying citizens their Churros. ANAHEIM, CA — While Disney continues to box up Disneyland for the move to Texas, even bigger news has dominated the headlines. California Governor Gavin Newsom (D[highlight bg=”#000000″ color=”#000000″]estroyer of Economies[/highlight]) is facing a recall from angry voters. Newsom’s previous orders, while strict, were at least…
The Science® says the virus won’t survive the freezing process. Probably. Maybe. SACRADEMENTO, CA — Gov. Gavin Newsom (D-Hypocrite) issued new guidelines for theme park reopening in California today. Disneyland can reopen to any guests who have been frozen in carbonite for at least 14 days. Admission preference will be given to anyone frozen since…
![Totally not a ride exit. Just a gift shop with a really fun and entertaining entrance. Photo by Patrick Pelletier [CC BY-SA 4.0] via Wikimedia.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/disneyland-rides-reopened-as-shops-768x403.jpg)
The rides already exit into gift shops. Why not take advantage of that? ANAHEIM, CA — Disney has already shown that you can safely operate a theme park. Billions of visitors currently at Walt Disney World (95% of them at Disney’s Hollywood Studios) have proven that fact. However, California governor Gavin Newsome (D[redact]ick[/redact]) has continued…
Is this necessary? We thought Snopes was satire. UNCLE WALTS INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD — Dear Snopes Editorial Staff, We know you had to do it. We know that you had to remind the world that we’re a satire web site (here and here). You’ve sworn an oath to tell the truth, the whole truth, and…