![New signage for the Express Sidewalk to the Magic Kingdom. Photo by M. Minderhoud [CC BY-SA 3.0] via Wikimedia.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/disney-express-sidewalk-to-magic-kingdom-768x404.jpg)
No handrails planned for now; Disney plans to “wait and see if they’re needed.” WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL — It’s no secret that the Walt Disney World Monorail system is in dire need of an upgrade. However, with the Covid-19 closures, Disney’s ability to spend money on projects has greatly declined. Many projects have been…
The Uncle Walt’s Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] “Dear (Step)Moms: What do you think of all the theme parks leaving California? How…
![This proves that SeaWorld is now in Texas. Photo by Tristanb [CC BY-SA-3.0] via Wikimedia.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/seaworld-san-diego-in-texas-768x403.jpg)
Shamu is in Texas! Who knew? SAN ANTONIO, TX — Uncle Walt’s Insider has some breaking news that you will ONLY find here! Sometime during the Covid-19 shutdown, SeaWorld San Diego packed up and moved the entire operation to San Antonio, TX! The park is the latest to flee California for more normal states, after…
In spite of what you think you saw onscreen, he had Covid in his blood at time of death. BLACK SPIRE OUTPOST, BATUU — A short statement released by the First Order confirms what many outlets have been reporting: Emperor Palpatine is dead from the coronavirus. The statement is below. The statement “The First Order sadly…
![Now Mickey will cry over your dead body! Photo by Chad Sparkes [CC BY 2.0] via Flickr, modified.](https://unclewalts.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/disneys-magical-funerals-768x403.jpg)
Would Disney exploit a health crisis to drum up business? WALT DISNEY WORLD, FL — While many have questioned Walt Disney World’s decision to reopen its theme parks during the pandemic, some are suggesting a more sinister motive. “They have a business built on death,” said Cast Member Jordan from Davenport, FL our source, who…