Oklahoma Archives - Uncle Walt's Insider
We can't wait to visit Apple, Oklahoma! Photo [CC-BY-2.0] via eoi.es.

Apple to acquire Disney

We assume the deal includes the parks. City parks, that is. CUPERTINO, CA -- In a recently leaked memo from CEO Tim "Bob" Cook, it appears that Apple, the first company to hit $3 Trillion in valuation, is poised to spend some of their stockpiled cash on acquiring Disney! Fans of Mickey Mouse dismayed by our misleading headline need not worry, however. In the leaked memo, Cook allegedly says, "Disney, Oklahoma, has a low population, and our research has shown that it would ... Read more
Construction of Disneyland Texas, probably! Photo by Philip Hawling [CC BY-SA 2.0] via www.geograph.org.uk; inset photo via DepositPhotos.

Construction underway for Disneyland Texas; location revealed!

It'll be so easy to get to! FUTURE SITE OF DISNEYLAND TEXAS -- Are you as excited as we are for the newly-relocated Disneyland in Texas? Uncle Walt's Insider is thrilled to announce that ground has been broken, and construction has begun! And the new location is just where many predicted it would be. Your reporter was invited on a tour of the property, led by Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation). After a bit of a delay in my getting to ... Read more
Remember, it all started with a mouse. Photo by Olivier Bruchez [CC BY-SA 2.0] via Flickr.

BREAKING NEWS: Disneyland Resort to re-open October 31st!

No word yet on whether it will reopen in Anaheim or in Texas. ANAHEIM, CA -- The long awaited re-opening date of the Disneyland Land Resort has finally been announced! Josh D'Amaro, Chairman of Disney Parks, Experiences, Products, and Spas alongside some random dude named Gavin something, announced that Disneyland will re-open to guests on October 31, 2021, along with a Halloween party to welcome guests back. Unlike previous Halloween parties, this will be open to all ticket and Annual Passholders, with ... Read more
UWI (Step)Moms Panel

(Step)Moms Panel: What do you think of all the theme parks leaving California?

The Uncle Walt's Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.] "Dear (Step)Moms: What do you think of all the theme parks leaving California? How do I we they stop them from leaving?" - Gavin N., Sacramento CA Walt: Hi Glen, thanks for asking. I once made the mistake of letting Harriet borrow my car. ... Read more
The "Barners Statue" at Knotts Berry Farm.

Knotts Berry Farm joins Disneyland in fleeing California

The #2 fruit-themed park (behind San Francisco) is joining Dollywood in Tennessee. BUENA PARK, CA -- After Disneyland announced their move to Texas on Monday, another popular Southern California theme park is abandoning the state for greener pastures. Knotts Berry Farm will soon leave California and join Dollywood in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. Knotts (the company) spokesperson Jon Knotts (no relation) shared, "It's a sad day for the Knotts family, as we must announce we are leaving California. The high taxes and high ... Read more