The Uncle Walt’s Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]
“Dear (Step) Moms: Last year I took over running a cruise line, and we’re adding a bunch of new ships to the fleet soon. I need some help coming up with new names. I can’t really tell you which cruise line, but the names we’ve already used are the Magic, Wonder, Dream, Fantasy, and Wish. Any ideas?” – JeREDACTEDf VREDACTEDle [name withheld by request], Celebration FL
I’m sorry, whoever you are, but I really need more information. How can we be expected to come up with name ideas if we don’t have a clue as to which cruise line you work for? Sheesh!
Hello there Je… err, sorry. Right. We’re not saying your name this time.
Anyway, Jeff, here’s the thing. We understand that coming up with magical names is really tough, and you can’t possibly come up with a Figment of one without hours and hours of deliberation filled with Whim. So maybe you could wish upon a Star and be filled with Awe and Enchantment as you ponder all the possible designations worthy of a cruise ship. I know that as you come up with names for your fleet, I’ll react in Amazement at the Marvel of every possible name you come up with, Jeff, and with great Curiosity. Perhaps you could come up with a Fairy Tale or two and conjure up some Pixie Dust as you think about possible names. I’m sure there are many on the Horizons. When aboard a cruise ship, I always feel like I’m Soarin’ across the water, making Memories the whole way.
I’m sorry I couldn’t be of help, Jeff. Maybe some day in the Future I could think of something. But right now, my Imagination just isn’t up to it. If only I could come up with one little Spark.
Wow, Ub. That… that was almost actually helpful. Are you feeling okay?
Just don’t go to Walt Disney World. There are already enough people there without you.
Hi Jeff, thanks for asking.
It’s simple: name it the Uncle Walt’s Insider!
I’m a little confused. I thought you were going to name one of your ships ‘Princess‘?
But, ignoring that, making a new ship the ‘Wish’ was a really not great idea. Right now, if your company is the one I think it is, your customers abbreviate your ship names all over the internet. DD, DF, DM, and now you have DW and DW. That’s almost as bad as the person who came up with the abbreviations for All Star Sports, Alien Swirling Saucers, and Monsters Inc Laugh Floor.
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