The Uncle Walt’s Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]
“Dear (Step) Moms: Is a Disney vacation really worth the extra money? Or should I just take my kids to Six Flags?” – Rick C., Amarillo, TX
X:
Howdy, Rick! How is life under the Amarillo sky?
Other than airport connections, I’ve never been to Texas. Is it true that every band has to have a fiddle in the band? Anyways, I digress. I think Walt Disney World is a lot more interesting than six flags. I mean, even on a really windy day, you’re still just watching flags blowing in the wind. A good theme park is much more entertaining.
Marty:
Rich, that’s a really good question. And I’m certain that you’d want a complete, well-researched answer. In fact, you deserve information that only comes from experts who have experienced both and can give you the real scoop.
That said, just send me the cost of park admission to both Six Flags and a multi-day Park Hopper at Walt Disney World, and I’ll report back to you when I find out. You can wire the money to [email protected].
Walt:
Hi Ricardo, thanks for asking. Many people think it’s cheaper to go to Six Flags, but I argue it’s not.
Have you seen the rising cost of healthcare? The therapy required after even a single visit to a Six Flags park will cost you way more than the most expensive Disney vacation. You can easily triple that if you visit Six Flags Magic Mountain, due to it being in California.
Now, is Six Flags Over Texas or Six Flags Fiesta Texas immune from this because they are in God’s Country, also known as Texas? Yes, you should be safe from the therapy, but you will spend WAY more money on Tex-Mex and BBQ. Not because of the cost, but because you will want to consume so much of it. I personally witnessed Marty and Ub both spend $7,000 EACH on a single meal at a Mexican restaurant; it was quite the show. Seriously, the place caught on quick, something about Marty being a regular, and sold tickets to the show.”
Baby Yoda:
Walt:
Yes! Yes, that’s the face EVERYONE was making! Just not as cute, look at the little guy!
In conclusion, yes, I think you should get the tattoo.
Harriet:
Just don’t go to Universal Idaho. There are already enough people there without you.
Ub (sigh, here we go):
Hi Ricky, and thanks for writing the (Step) Moms.
Have you ever been to Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport? Have you ever made a connection there? It’s kind of like a theme park where all the attractions suck and when you arrive where you expect one to be, it might now be somewhere else.
Now, having never been to a Six Flags Resort and Spaceport, I cannot describe what it’s like, but the DFW experience is my closest guess.
When you live in the Pacific Northwest of the United States, you sometimes see commercials about how Six Flags is closer than Disneyland. It’s true! You can save an entire hour of driving and get, well, the Six Flags experience. I don’t know what that is, because growing up, we always drove that extra hour.
But the most important question, of course, is whether they have churros. A brief search shows that indeed, Six Flags does carry churros, but they’re made by their pizza joint. Do you really want to take that kind of risk with your churros? I didn’t think so.
So with that answered, the question becomes, do you want to risk your hard-earned money on an unproven place like Magic Mountain, or would you rather go to Walt Disney World, where you can now ask the plates what they think of the food?
It also raises the question: if the plates lick your food, does that mean that they’ve claimed it? And what happens if you eat the food off the plates’ faces? What if one of your dishes sneezes?
But questions like that can only be answered at Walt Disney World, and you owe it to yourself, your family, and your descendants to answer that question.
I also want to take a moment to thank Disney for something very special. Do you know how difficult it is to import Kaadu ribs? I’ve been trying to find someone for years now, but no luck. Finally, with the new system for taking people to Baatu, I am able to enjoy this delicacy, and pass the pleasure onto you. Now, due to an uproar, they’ve renamed the kaatu ribs to “pork” but we all know what’s actually going on, and we appreciate the work that it took to get kaadu ribs available in the United States and on earth. Many Bothans, all that.
So in short, you don’t just owe it to yourself and your future generations to drive the extra couple of miles to Walt Disney World or Disneyland. You owe it to Disney, and to America!
Hope that helps!
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