The Uncle Walt’s Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]
“Dear (Step)Moms: I live in Splash Mountain and I’m tired of hearing these boats with kids go throughout my home. How can I stop Splashing (sic) Mountain so I can finally get some peace and quiet.” – “Sharon from Splash Mountain” (punctuation and capitalization added)
Ub:
Hello, Sheldon.
Where inside Splash Mountain, do you live exactly? I would be less worried about people yelling, and more worried about the squirrel that pops out and says the name of a university.
But that’s just me.
X:
Hi Sharon. First of all, to correct Ub (again), it’s a gopher, not a squirrel. And since it’s a gopher, it should be saying the name of a university somewhere more Minnesotan rather than Floridian.
But anyways, are you sure the yelling isn’t just Ozzy trying to ask for a bowl of cereal?
Harriet:
Just don’t live in Splash Mountain. There are enough people there already without you.
Marty:
Hi, Barron. So that’s where you live now. Huh.
Actually, I’m confused. I thought we got rid of Splash Mountain. Or has it just been rethemed to Newsies already? I can imagine that would be annoying, having dancing and singing newsboys in your home. Maybe encourage them to go on strike again?
Grogu:
Marty:
You know, Grogu, I didn’t even consider that this might be a medication issue. But is it a question of too many meds, or not enough?
Walt:
Hi Karen, thanks for asking.
How exciting that you live in Splash Mountain! It must be so exciting listening to the joyful screams over and over and over again as people plunge down the hill to certain doom! You must really love that song too. Why, in fact, I feel it coming on right now!
Zip-a-dee-doo-da! Join in boys!
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