(Step)Moms Panel: When will Disney build a park in Texas? |

(Step)Moms Panel: When will Disney build a park in Texas?

UWI Step Moms Panel

The Uncle Walt’s Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]

“Dear (Step) Moms: Do you think Texas will ever get a Disney park?” – Jeffrey McCowan, Abilene TX

X:

Other than an Alamo car rental place (I remembered it, but Hertz gave me a lower rate), why would anyone want to go to Texas?

Some people will say that Buc-ees merits a trip, but I think the name is too close to ‘Buckeyes’ and that just disgusts me. So, with nothing to draw tourists to Texas, why would Disney ever build a park there?

Ub:

Hi Jeffrey,

Growing up in Portland, Oregon where Walt Disney built a house for his parents, I’ll never forget all the commercials talking about how Six Flags was closer than a Disney park. Being in the Pacific Northwest with the nearest Six Flags was 61 miles closer, the commercials were technically correct.

You, however, being in Texas, do have a Six Flags that is considerably closer. Also, if you’re deciding whether to go to Disneyland or Walt Disney World from Abilene, the driving choice is the difference of about 19 minutes. Well, that, and the question of whether you’d rather go through El Paso or not.

So stop whining.

Hope that helps.

Marty:

Frankly, I’m tired of people waiting on the Disney Company to act and complaining when they don’t.

Come on! What’s stopping you from building your own theme park right there in your hometown and calling it Disneyland Abilene?”

[Ed.: You mean, besides trademark law and Disney’s ruthless legal department? And money?]

Harriet: 

Just don’t go to Walt Disney World. There are already enough people there without you. 

Walt:

Hi, Jeffrey. Thanks for asking.

Once the lawsuit is cleared up, and the land is annexed into Texas, Disney will break ground on the next Disney resort. You can trust me, I’m on the internet!

(Note to Marty, touch up X’s picture to add a goofy face or something. There are churros in Texas! Oh, and delete this. Also, we need more toilet paper in the ladies room. I don’t know who is using it since Harriet is MIA. That also makes me wonder, you guys remember that cat that would stare at us through the window? Oh, reminder, our annual Thanksgiving dinner will be held at Walt Disney World. You’re responsible for your own transportation, room, tickets, and purchasing your meals. UWI will pick up the tap water and complimentary bread. That reminds me, Ub, the clinic called. Just put cream on it and rotate it three times a day. Okay, that should do it. Good meeting boys, let’s get back to work.)

Ub:

Thanks. Did they say whether I could rotate it three times, once per day, or did I have to rotate it once, three times per day? And which cream?

These meetings suck.

Walt:

Dangit, Ub, I’m a creative genius, not a doctor!

Ub:

Surely, you can’t be serious.

Marty:

That joke doesn’t really work in print.

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