The Uncle Walt’s Insider (Step) Moms Panel answers your real questions with their own totally reliable advice. [Lawyer-mandated disclaimer: do NOT rely on this advice. Our panel of experts may or may not be actual stepmoms, but they are definitely evil.]
“Dear (Step)Moms: With all the current crises in the news, I feel like we’ve just skipped past the murder hornets. Are murder hornets still a thing? Are there any at Walt Disney World?” – Miles B., Greeley CO
Hi Billy, thanks for asking.
How exciting that you’re planning a trip to Walt Disney World! The only pets allowed are service animals, so you may need to leave your murder hornet at the on-site kennel. Make sure he is also wearing a mask for safety, and practicing social distancing.
Enjoy your magical vacation!
As far as I know, the only murder hornets that will be on property will be the trained ones in Galaxy’s Edge. They’ll have glitter spray paint on them, and will probably be called ‘blaze bugs’ or ‘gritchins’ or some other stupid Star Wars-y name. Star Wars fans are suckers for nonsense like that.
I stand by what I said. Stop trying to force-choke me.
Hello Marty! And thank you for reminding me.
Actually, I found the guy who imported them from China. He lives just south of Vancouver, B.C. He says they’re really tasty, which is why he’s farming them here in North America. He would love to breed them without the stinger, except that along with attacking humans that’s also how they breed, so it’s a necessary part of their anatomy. Yeah, I know… it’s pretty [CENSORED, NOT JUST REDACTED].
Anyway, he sold me a few dozen of the prize hornets from his breeding program, and I’m on my way across America now. Apparently, they thrive in warm climates, so you’ll love ‘em. They’ll certainly add a sense of adventure, especially when they team up with the gallinippers.
So never fear! I am working hard to make your life better. Remember that when you go to the polls this November.
Hello Miles. I wouldn’t worry about murder hornets. Really, with everything going on right now, is that what you want to be scared of?
What about murder hornets infected with COVID-19?
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