It’s Florida. Situation normal.
UNCLE WALT’S INSIDER H.Q., SVALBARD — The first Uncle Walt’s Insider Legend Award is currently under review, as a lawsuit filed in Florida, by a person using the name “100% Marty did not file this,” has put the final count in doubt. This is not the first time that Florida has been in the news due to irregularities in vote counts.
A shocked Uncle Walt is quoted as saying, “I am saddened that someone would stoop to this level and put this award in doubt. I talked with the boys and Marty came clean right away, saying that ‘100% Harriett filed this.’ I think I can trust him. I know the truth will prevail.”
It’s always Chad
Our crack team of reporters did find a few boxes of uncounted votes hanging out with our delivery driver, Chad. Walt ensures us that they will be counted and the rightful recipient of the award will be named soon, just so we can put this to rest — probably by the end of this article. [Ed.: Take this part out before publishing. I really need to tell the boys that I plan to name all of us recipients of the UWI Legend Award so they will stop this nonsense. #churroforlife]
UPDATE: The final votes have been counted, and the results stand. Uncle Walt is still the first recipient of the Uncle Walt’s Insider Legend Award! Congrats, Uncle Walt! [Note: I Harriet might appeal. –Marty]
Who should be the next recipient of the UWI Legends Award? Let us know in the comments below!
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