We help Disney to know what movies to make next.
UNCLE WALT’S H.Q., SVALBARD — With Christopher Robin still in theaters, Mary Poppins Returns coming in December, and announcement of a new live action Song of the South, you may be asking, what’s left of Disney’s classic films? What other movies from their history could they possibly remake or add a sequel to?
Well, our crack team of researchers here at our Longyearbyen headquarters [Ed.: where it’s illegal to die, by the way] have assembled a list of Disney movies that have not yet been scavenged. For Disney filmmakers bereft of their own imagination, here are some ideas of movies you can remake or sequelize, with our suggestions: [Note: in case you can’t tell, we’ve never seen any of these.]
- The Reluctant Dragon – Possible sequel titles: The Really Reluctant Dragon; The Reluctant Dragonfly; The Enthusiastic Dragon.
- Victory Through Airpower – Could make for a great documentary on the history of hair dryers.
- Ten Who Dared – This just cries out for Eleven Who Dared. Maybe it can become a thing like the Oceans 11 movies.
- Third Man on the Mountain – Same thing… except we suspect this was already a sequel to First and Second Man on the Mountain.
- Tonka – Really hope this was about toy trucks.
- Nikki, Wild Dog of the North – The sequel could be about how Nikki stops being wild, settles down and starts a family. In the South.
- The Legend of Lobo – Guessing this was already a spinoff of “B.J. and the Bear.”
- Almost Angels – The sequel starts with their brutal deaths, we’d suggest.
A Tiger Walks– Forget this one; it’s probably a sequel to The Jungle Book. Or Winnie the Pooh.
- Monkeys Go Home! – Any documentary like this on protests against the 60’s band deserves a follow-up report.
One of Our Dinosaurs Is Missing– Again, please disregard this. We didn’t realize that The Lost World: Jurassic Park movie was a remake of this.
So there you have it!
Eleven Ten Nine solid suggestions that should keep the Disney Company from having to come up with anything original for years to come!
Which obscure movie should they remake next? Let us know in the comments below!
Cover photo of Vault Disney courtesy of Disney, duh.