Disney announces new churros, we think

The churro changes will be amazing! Maybe! We didn’t catch every detail.

UNCLE WALT’S H.Q., SVALBARD — Our regular readers [up to five now!] know that we here at Uncle Walt’s Insider love churros. That delicious cinnamon sugar treat is so perfect that even Philistines whose warped taste buds prefer cream cheese pretzels admit that churros “aren’t half bad.”

Apparently, though, “perfect” can be improved on? Following yesterday’s Churro de Mayo celebration, we received a call that shocked us to our core. Disney has found a way to improve [Ed.: We think] our favorite snack food!

She calls us all the time

While we were sitting around the newsroom, we got a call from our favorite Disney spokesperson, Jun Disney (no relation).

X: “Good afternoon, Thank you for calling Uncle Walt’s Insider, this is X, how may I help you?”

Disney (no relation): “Hi X, it’s Jun. I’ve got some really great news. You’re going to want to put this on speaker for the rest of the guys to hear.”

X: (puts phone on speaker) “Ok, you’re speakered. Is that a verb? Doesn’t matter, you know what I’m saying.”

D(nr): “I wanted you guys to be the first to know. We’re making some tweaks to the churro recipe!”

Ub: (starts sobbing loudly in the background)

D(nr): “Hang on, hang on, these are good changes. We’ve found a way to add 11.8% more ci …”

Ub: “More cinnamon? More cinnamon! More cinnamon! Yay! Churro! Churro! Happy!”

D(nr): (continues talking, but can’t be heard)

Harriet: (doesn’t say anything because we’re not entirely sure she still exists)

Walt: “Hang on Ub, calm down. let Jun (no relation) finish her sentence.”

Ub: (is now prancing around the room, doing what he later described as his “churro dance.”)

D(nr): “And so we think it’ll be great, and you should see it by the end of the year.”

X: “Thanks Jun (no relation). Talk with you soon.” (hangs up)

Marty: “Wait, do we actually know what she said?”

X: “They’re adding more of something to the churro. That’s all we need to know. That’s all the readers need to know. Think of the readers!”

Marty: (throws up his hands in despair)

Walt: “Wait? That’s it? You’re going to run this as an article? Just like that? Seriously? That’s not journalism. That’s almost as bad as creating a ‘best of’ list with every possible item on it! You can’t do that. Actually … eh … why not?”

Will you try the new churro? Do you think Walt is too uptight? Let us know in the comments below!

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Cover photo: Marty: “So how am I going to illustrate this if we don’t know what the changes are?” Walt: “Just run a churro picture we’ve used before. No one will notice.” Photo by Mark Mitchell [CC BY 2.0] via Flickr.