Hey Walt, how do you feel about all of these paid add-ons? | Uncle Walt's Insider

Hey Walt, how do you feel about all of these paid add-ons?

Submitted by Carl S.

Hi Carl,

It was my idea to add a tip jar at all ride exits. Based on the numbers, that has been very successful. There has been a 63% reduction in the number of employees diving into the various fountains and waterways to collect coins to supplement their income. Head injuries alone have been reduced by 28%! Vending machine sales in that area behind the wall that you’re not supposed to go (yes, Ted, we see you) are up 37%! Guest visits to the ATMs are up 77%. The “What do you mean you don’t carry cash?” campaign was a great success! I personally get thank you notes slipped into my tater tots from the local Sonic carhops all of the time! You don’t seem to bat an eye at tipping. Here on good ole Main Street, U.S.A., that’s just what we do. But the minute you want to put a price to something, everyone loses their minds!

You see, Carl, it’s a business. And we want you to have a great experience. We really do! I can cite the recent guest satisfaction survey that shows happiness is up 21% in Q2! At the same time, how can all of the executives live with just a handful of private jets to fly around the country? I know that Betty in Marketing had to push back her luncheon by a full 24 hours due to the lack of available planes.

Let me ask you, do you take your kids to the park, send them down the slide, throw water in their face, and then ask them how they enjoyed Splash Mountain? No! Do you save money and buy the Wal-Mart rip off version instead of the real Yeti? No! You buy the real thing. The point being, it is worth the money. Are your friends more impressed by your Facebook postings at the local park, or at Walt Disney World Resort – a 43 square mile oasis of family fun featuring 4 theme parks, 2 water parks, and countless number of resorts conveniently located in the Orlando, FL area. You don’t have to answer, you Yeti carrying father of the year <have marty draw up a smily face that makes the guest feel important and that we care, and insert that here before going live>

Countless hours of research has shown that guests want, no, they crave a private cabana with complimentary snacks INSIDE of the Magic Kingdom? And you don’t have to be Udo Kier to enjoy that kind of perk. Picture yourself walking down the imaginary red carpet, ticket in hand, to the EXCLUSIVE after hours event. As those guests shuffle out, you shuffle in like a rockstar. They whisper, is that THE Carl?

In the end, I feel good about it. Why? We do this for you. We do this so your Tweets get thumbs up. Your Instagrams get re-instagramed. So your FB timeline is full of envious people ready to one-up you on their next vacation. Without these add-ons, it would be the same boring picture of you and your family in front of the same castle as everyone else. Instead, you can snap that selfie, rocking those hashtags that makes everyone jealous. #disney #cabana #airconditioned

Ask Uncle Walt!