Mickey Standard Time signed into law |

Mickey Standard Time signed into law

Three o'clock parade, time unknown. Photo by John Frost [CC BY-ND 2.0] via Flickr.

We knew Congress was a Mickey Mouse operation.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — People grumble about the change from Daylight Savings to Standard Time and back again, and the grumbling is only growing louder. But how do we fix the problem?

It’s no secret that time zones are difficult to figure out — especially when you change the time a couple of times a year. Even the brilliant minds at Apple, Microsoft, and Bob’s Computer Repair Emporium & Bait Shop have been unable to come up with a technology solution to this ongoing problem.

Just when it seemed all hope was lost, Disney (the company) stepped in. Disney (the company) officials were on hand at the White House today to watch President Trump sign a new law that drastically changes our time zones.

Mickey Standard Time

The new law sets a single time zone for the entire United States. It will be what is currently known as  Mountain Standard Time, but starting September 1st, 2019, it will officially be Mickey Standard Time.

Governments from all over the world are pledging to support this new time zone as well. Soon, the earth will operate on one time, and one time only.

“It just makes sense.” Disney (the company) spokesperson Jun Disney (no relation) said in a recent interview. “As you know, time zones are confusing. Then there is the daylight savings flip, then back again. It’s exhausting.

“Our Imagineers saw the timing was right for Congress to put on their big boy pants, to grow up, and start behaving like adults, instead of a bunch of spoiled rotten kids who didn’t get to eat a Mickey bar for breakfast. Kicking, and screaming, the crying, the constant temper tantrums? HOW ABOUT YOU #$%*! MORONS STOP THE NAME-CALLING AND OTHER USELESS GARBAGE AND ACTUALLY START CARING ABOUT THE COUNTRY INSTEAD OF A BUNCH OF HE SAID/SHE SAID CRAP. LOOK WE’RE GOING TO DISAGREE, ACCEPT IT AND MOVE ON. STOP DIGGING IN YOUR HEELS. FIND COMMON GROUND. COMPROMISE. You bunch of overpaid nincompoops.”

We backed up a few steps until she was done

Disney (no relation) wiped the spittle from her mouth on her sleeve and continued.

“Like I said, it was the perfect time. So we crafted the law, slipped it into a bill that gives Congress a bunch of perks on the taxpayer dime, and it sailed right through. And much like all the other bills that are rammed through, no one actually read it.

“But enough of that! Mickey Standard Time makes sense. Between making reservations for Galaxy’s Edge, dinner and lunch reservations, Fastpass+, spa appointments, and our famed Tour de Churro, you need to standardize times. Why? Because each of those can be made starting at a specific day and time. Look, it just makes sense. Trust us, we know what we’re doing. After all, can you really trust those clowns here in Washington to get it done right?”

It makes sense to us! Do you agree? Let us know in the comments below!

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Cover photo: What time will the three o’clock parade start under Mickey Standard Time? Photo by John Frost [CC BY-ND 2.0] via Flickr.